“Did Shalini hurt you?I mean with words.”Jimmy is still on his knees beside me, rubbing my thigh.
“Sorry, I am painting the wrong portrait.Shalini is not evil.We were a square peg and a round hole.Deep down, I understood the reason.Marriage should never be a compromise.I should have been brave enough to say no to Ma.Every time I considered telling her my truth, a whirlpool of what-if’s opened.I did not want to be the reason for Ma’s death.”
“Were you ever tempted?”His question is earnest.“...to explore.”He adds, confirming my hunch of where he is taking this conversation.
“Social media opened my eyes.Watching other queer men live an out and proud life did tempt me to seek happiness outside.I would never cheat on Shalini even though our marriage had turned to ashes.I needed my independence to find my way.Shalini needed freedom to live a life she deserves, filled with happiness and love.”
“You are kind and considerate.I would never be able to survive.When my Bapu insisted on meeting prospective brides, I revolted.”He stands and stares into the distance.The turmoil is visible on his face.
“Jimmy, you are brave to make your path.Not giving in to the pressures of family or society takes a lot of courage at eighteen years of age.”I stand beside him and hold his hand.
He squeezes mine.“Sometimes, I wonder if I were foolish to give up the comfort of life at home.We were wealthy farmers.While here, I am struggling to make ends meet.”
I turn Jimmy to face me and place my hands on his shoulders.“What do you want to achieve in life?”
Jimmy sighs and smiles.“This.”He strikes a pose, settling on the wooden railing.“I want to be a model.I want to make enough money so I never have to worry about my next meal.Marriage is out of the question in this country, but someday, I hope to have a house, a small farm, and a partner with whom I can grow old.”His eyes sparkle as he narrates his dreams.
The flickers of hope in Jimmy stir my heart.What do I do to make this man’s life better?I am not a God, and I failed as a human.I am no saviour and will never be anybody’s hero, but I can give him a few minutes of joy.
“Come.I want to show you something.”I drag him down the steps from the porch.We walk down a small path to the left of the house.
“You are kidding me.”Jimmy rushes ahead and opens the wooden gate, securing my kitchen garden.He kneels and runs his hands over the coriander leaves.“You grow your food.”
“Yeah, the secret ingredient to our meal.”I point to my small farm.“The coriander and okra were fresh.Harvested this morning.”
“Will you teach me to grow vegetables?”Jimmy pleads like a child as he examines the pale-yellow okra flowers.“Papa shooed me away from the farm.He wanted me to focus on boxing, but the farm was the one place which gave me peace.I miss my farm the most.”
Jimmy's eyes study the garden with longing.Promises of sharing our lives are too early to make, but we can share this passion, “I will, as long as you never call me a professor.”
“Promise.”He clasps his hands around me, humming with excitement.
“I have some potato seeds to plant.Are you interested?”
“Yes.What do you want me to do?”His face lights up like a child’s does upon receiving a gift.
“The soil bed is ready.We need to plant the seed potatoes about an inch below the ground level.”I open the shed on the side of the garden and bring out the pieces.“We plant only the slices with one or two eyes sprouting.”
Jimmy joins me, shovelling and burrowing the seed potatoes.He starts to hum a Hindi film song.I struggle to recall the lyrics, but the notes remind me of a question I wanted to ask.
“Jimmy, who gave you your name?”
“Why?”He looks up from a few feet ahead of where I am planting.
“The name is uncommon for your part of the world.Someone in your family must be a fan of the actor?”
“Yeah, my mother,” he mumbles as he continues his work.
“How did she know you would be more handsome than the actor?”
I have never seen a man blush.The pink on Jimmy's fair cheeks is kiss-worthy.
“So, I am attractive?”He cocks his head and winks.
“Putting words in my mouth, are you?”I tease him.“But you are cute.”
He leaves the spade and seeds behind, crawling to me like a tiger.He pats his hands to remove the dirt.His phone buzzes.He takes it out and groans.
“Why is it 4.30 already?”With remorse, he turns to me.“Will you be upset if I leave this unfinished?I can come tomorrow to finish?”
