I search her face for any sign of deception, but there’s nothing but confusion. Either she’s the best actress I’ve ever met, or it’s true.
I step back, running my hands over my face. “So you’re telling me you’ve never had an orgasm in your life.”
“I didn’t say that. I’ve had plenty on my own, just not with a partner.”
“Not even close?”
She considers this. “I was close with you a couple of times.”
I cringe. Close but didn’t come. Is she talking about when I denied her orgasm? Fuck, I didn’t realize I was denying her the first orgasm she’d ever had with someone else. “And you’re okay with that?”
“It’s not ideal, but yes. Sex isn’t just about orgasms, Vin.”
I stare at her like she’s sprouted a second head. “What the fuck else is it about then?”
“Closeness, connection, feeling safe, feeling wanted.” She ticks them off on her fingers.
“Safe. You feel safe when I shove my cock down your throat until you can’t breathe?”
“Yes.” No hesitation. Her eyes lock onto mine, and my chest tightens. “Because even when you’re rough, I know you won’t actually hurt me, not in a way I won’t like.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
She mistakes my silence for disinterest and turns back to her cleaning. “It’s fine, Vin. You don’t have to care about this. I know you don’t do relationships. I know this is just… whatever this is. I’m not expecting you to—”
I snatch her arm and yank her back around toward me. “You don’t get to end the conversation. You’re talking about letting men use you, like this is a habit of yours.”
“Why are you so mad? Isn’t that what’s happening here?” She pauses, her voice curious, not accusing. “Isn’t that what you’re doing now?”
I scowl. “I’m not mad. I don’t give a fuck about your orgasms. That’s not my problem.”
She nods. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“Me fucking you is not about making you happy or making you feel good. I’m using you because it’s convenient, because your pussy feels good, because—”
“Because you’re hungry and I’m a good cook?” She’s smiling now,smilingat me while I’m being an asshole.
I just glare at her.
“Okay, Vin.” She glances down at my hand gripping her arm. “Is there anything else you need from me, or can I get back to work?”
I hold her in place for a minute before releasing her, then watch her move around the kitchen like I didn’t just beat her former fuck buddy half to death, like she didn’t just tell me that I’ve never made her come.
She doesn’t seem bothered, doesn’t seem hurt or angry or even particularly interested.
That fact that she is so unbothered bothers the fuck out of me, and the fact that I’m bothered by that bothers me even more.
“When was the last time you fucked him?” The question is out before I think it through.
She pauses, thinking. “A few weeks ago, maybe?”
“Not since I’ve been staying with you.”
“No.”
“Not since we fucked?”
“No.” She looks at me, head tilted. “Why? Does that bother you?”
