The nurse comes to my side with a basin of warm water and a washcloth. “Let’s get you cleaned up, huh?” she says, dipping the cloth and squeezing it out. “You look a little more awake today.That’s good. I was hoping we could take a walk. Just down the hall, nothing too far. Maybe I can even get you something to eat—something real this time.”
She smiles like I should be excited by the idea, but I have to work hard to pull the corners of my mouth into something close to the smile she’s giving me. From the look on her face, I’m failing miserably.
The nurse continues talking as she works, her movements methodical and practiced. “You’ve made such progress this week, you know. I’m proud of you. Most patients aren’t walking after five weeks in bed. But you—” she gives me a small nod of approval, “—you’re young and healthy. Your body’s remembering what it’s supposed to do.”
Five weeks!
The words hit like a slap. My stomach twists, nausea rising up in my throat.Five weeks?It feels like five minutes, like I just came from the church, but it also feels like a lifetime has passed. It’s definitely been a lifetime since Tommy smiled at me and told me to meet him at the altar.
My throat goes tight as my mind flashes through the fragments I remember since that moment: this shitty mattress, the bite of ropes on my wrists and ankles, the echo of men’s voices, a needle in my arm, darkness swallowing me whole.
The nurse sighs softly. “It’s a shame, though. You’ve lost some good time to get stronger. Sedation is hard on the body. Harder on the baby. When you fight every guard who comes in and try to escape when you can’t even walk—they make me keep you under just to be safe.”
I freeze, trying to remember what she’s referencing. Is she lying? Not that I think I wouldn’t fight the guards; I just don’t remember it. My gaze snaps to the nurse’s face, searching, but there’s nothing to see there but pity.
The nurse lowers her voice, glancing at the camera in the corner. “Fighting the guards, I understand it, believe me. But you have to stop. If anything happens to you or the baby—” She swallows hard. “They’ll kill me first. And who knows who they’ll put in my place.”
My pulse races, but I nod. The nurse is the only kind presence in this sterile hell.
“I’ll be good,” I whisper, my voice raspy and foreign in my mouth.
The nurse nods, relieved. She unties the straps around my wrists and helps me sit up. My muscles shake under my own weight, but I grit my teeth and push myself to stand.
“How long have I been here?” I have to forcibly push the words out.
The nurse hesitates, then says quietly, “Six weeks.”
A shudder rips through me, and I have to grip the mattress to remain on my feet.Six weeks. Six weeks of my life gone.
When I try to take a step, my legs almost buckle beneath me, but the nurse catches me and holds me steady. I feel like I’m made of stone.
“If I focus,” I say through clenched teeth, “if I eat, if I work hard—how long until I can walk on my own again?”
The nurse studies her for a long moment. “It depends. You’ve lost a lot of muscle mass. But you’re young, and if you commit to it—to eating, to moving—it won’t take long. Don’t wear yourself out, though. Do a little at a time, all throughout the day, and you’ll get there sooner than later.”
I nod, my breath trembling in my chest.
I look down, barely recognizing my own body. I’ve not only lost muscle mass, I’ve lost weight. I’m painfully thin. My bones are protruding, and my skin is pale.
Placing my hand over my stomach, I suck in a breath. I’m too skinny to carry a healthy baby. What if I lose it? What ifthey keep me here longer, another six weeks or more, until I’m pregnant again?
I vow to myself that I will do what I have to do to get better. To get stronger. It’s the only way I’m going to keep my baby healthy and survive.
18
Tommy
When Vin speaks, I hear his voice but can’t make out the words. I don’t know if he’s talking to me or to someone on the phone. I don’t care. Unless it’s about her, it doesn’t matter what he has to say.
I’ve been locked down inside the Edge with Vin since Aurelio disappeared. As soon as I left Aurelio to go find Antonio, he locked down air space around his private island estate and hasn’t communicated with anyone since. Everyone is on high alert, especially Vin. Matti and I have been…preoccupied.
The room stinks of stale takeout food and antiseptic. I haven’t changed my clothes, eaten, slept—not for days.
All I do is stare at my phone, waiting.
But it might as well be a brick.
I haven’t heard from my hacker or Valentina in two days. I haven’t received a video of Gi in eleven days, but I don’t let myself think about that. If I do, I start to panic.
