His lips touched the top of my head, then strayed to my temple. As much as I loved having them there, I couldn’t take the risk.
I drew back. “I hated that we haven’t been talking properly.”
His expression shifted from concern to relief. “I’ve hated it, too.”
“And for you to come over today with these gifts. Even ones for B&B, who don’t deserve it?—”
“Everyone deserves a Christmas gift, even a little asshole like Bunny. Beaker, too.”
I chuckled. “I suppose. It’s made me realize that you will always have the moral high ground with our kid.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No. Maybe. I think you’re going to be the amazing, thoughtful, fun parent, while I’ll be the logical, boring, let’s-look-at-this-reasonably parent.”
“Pretty sure we need both types of parenting styles. And I need to learn to look at things reasonably, too, such as your career plans in January. That situation needed a bit more logic and a lot less knee-jerk reaction. I tend to blow up, but I usually calm down pretty quickly.”
His hand on my back was so soothing, so perfect. I’d missed this closeness.
I was falling for him, this man who would be my child’s wonderful dad. I had to get a grip. Even if I couldn’t wish it away entirely, I could minimize the damage.
“I know you like to be in control,” I said. “I think we both do, so that makes for locked horns, on occasion.”
“Yeah, there’s that, but also …” He hesitated.
“What?”
“It occurred to me that maybe you wanted to hide the pregnancy from people you know. People we know. If you’re in a different city, you wouldn’t have to answer questions about it or reveal who got you into this fine mess.”
He really thought … oh my God. “Jason, when the time is right, I will be happy to tell people you’re my child’s father. Did you really think I planned this guest lectureship with subterfuge about my pregnancy in mind?”
“Stop it with the big words, Doc. You know it turns me on.”
I shook my head. “You’re impossible. No one will believe it, but I won’t mind them knowing. The Nerd catches the Jock—what a story! That Hot Goss rag will be all over it.”
His lips twitched. “Pretty sure the Jock caught the Nerd. I had to beg you to let me deliver the goods.”
And that had us both thinking about the night we conceived our baby, and how sexy it all was. How crazy the chemistry was between us whenever we were in the same room together. I needed to douse the flames, and the best way to do it was to recalibrate our relationship.
“Can we be friends again?”
His brow crumpled, just for a second. “Were we before?”
“I thought we were getting there. And as co-parents, friends would make it easier.” A position I was determined to maintain. I couldn’t have him any other way, but I needed us to be here for each other.
“And I’m assuming this is a friends without benefits kind of deal?”
I gave him a prim look, to which he answered with a naughty grin.
“I think that’s why I’ve been pushing you to be with someone. If you were, I wouldn’t feel like a placeholder in your life. The person you can screw because screwing anyone else makes you feel like a bad person.”
He considered that. “You feel like a placeholder?”
“Somewhat. I’m attracted to you, Jason. Very much so. But I’m also exceptionally hormonal, so the combination of ‘you’re the daddy’ with ‘awesome orgasms’ is pushing this into shaky territory. Neither of us went into this looking for a relationship, at least not with each other. A relationship with our child, yes. And I want to put the baby first. We need to do that.”
He nodded. “The baby will always come first.”
This was good. Both of us were children of divorce, and I knew that marriage or anything like it was not for me.
