I sigh. “Can you have Cian come over and kill Maximo? I know that won’t be good for the peace treaty, but I’m not sure what else to do.”
“Oh my god, are you hurt? Did he force himself on you?” Ravenna’s tone grows murderous. She’s always been protective of me growing up, and that hasn’t changed now that we’re both adults.
I blush so deeply, I’m glad she can’t see it. “No. Not really. I mean he hasn’t hurt me, or forced himself on me, but he did force me into this engagement.” I stop pacing and curl up in the fuzzy reading chair. “I don’t know how to get out of this.”
“Does this have anything to do with why you were in California?” she asks.
“Sort of. No, not really.” How do I explain this in a way that makes sense? “I just needed to leave everything behind for a while, but that didn’t really solve anything.”
A sliver of guilt pierces my stomach. Once again, I feel like the helpless little girl asking my much stronger sister for help. No one believes us when we tell them I’m actually the older twin. Of course they don’t believe it, why would they? I’ve always been the meek one. The one who can’t seem to do anything on her own. I’m so tired of it. I don’t want to be that person any longer.
What I most want is to be the main character in my own life. I should be the one calling the shots, standing up for myself, and overcoming my own obstacles.
But I can’t do that if I’m going to continue to sit back and watch other people run my life for me.
“Don’t worry, Elle, we’ll figure out how to get you out. I won’t let Maximo?—”
“Stop.” My command comes out soft and gentle. If I’m going to start standing up for myself, and stop relying on my sister to save me at every turn, I need to just do it.
Now. No more waiting.
“What do you meanstop? Stop what?” Concern laces her tone.
“I’m sorry I asked you and Cian to fix this for me. It’s not fair. You’ve spent your whole life protecting me, and I don’t want to keep taking advantage of?—”
“You’re not taking advantage of anything,” she says vehemently. “I’m your sister, and I love you, and I’ll protect you with my dying breath—even against Maximo Pontrelli.”
I wish I had her strength. I wish I could say that I tried to protect her with my dying breath when Mama and Papa took her away to sell her on the flesh market. But I didn’t. I stayed in my room where I was safe. I’ve always been so damn weak. That stops now.
“I know how much you love me.” I heave a sigh. “But I don’t want you to save me anymore, Ven. I need to do this on my own. Maximo ismyproblem. I’ll handle him.”
“Elle… I don’t understand where this is coming from all of a sudden.”
I stare out the window, thinking back to all we’ve been through together. “This is long overdue. I know how Papa used to hit you, and how you used to take hits for me too. That guilt eats away at me, Ven. I don’t want to be the kind of person who’s okay with others sacrificing themselves for me. That’s not right.”
“You’re not like that. I’ll always protect you and be happy to do it.” She sounds so genuine, that I completely believe every word. But that doesn’t make it fair.
“I know that. But I need to learn to protect myself. Don’t you see? Maximo is my demon to deal with and I need to do it on my own.” I worry my bottom lip, still processing through my sudden decision to weather this storm on my own. Can I actually do this? I think so, and I won’t stop until I see this through to the end. Whatever that end may be.
“If that’s really what you want, then I’ll step back until you need me. But if he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”
I smile at that. “I wish I was half as fierce as you are.”
“I think you are, you just need to find your own fire. But if you don’t want me to get you out of this engagement, then I’ll let you deal with it on your own. Promise. Just know that I’m always here for you. If things get too intense, Elle, you just say the word and I’ll be there.”
“I will.”
“Promise me?”
“Yeah. I promise. Just one thing though, keep this between us. I’m not ready to get our cousins involved.”
“Of course. My lips are sealed. So what’s your plan?” She’s always straight to the point. I smile again.
“Well, he thinks that I’ll be the perfect mafia wife. So my plan is simple: Prove him wrong. I already burned his favorite car and put holes in all of his designer suits.”
Ravenna gasps. “You didn’t.”
“I sure did.”
