“Thank you?” I am confused as my mother so quickly changes the subject. “You go from scolding me to praising me. I’m confused. What brought that on?”
“You are doing something mi haven’t seen you do in a long, long time.”
“Which is?”
“Showing that you can care deeply about more than one thing,” she says. “You loved your father, but when he died, you began to fade away. You fell in love with Marvin, and mi thought you weren’t lost. But the ancestors came for him early, too, and when he died, you ran away to Kingston.”
“Do you still think I’m running?”
“No,” she replies. “You’ve been skipping, but you’re ready to slow down and stay still for a bit.”
“I do miss the Cockpit, but I can’t stay here, Momma. Kingston is where I belong now.”
“That’s not what mi meant, Zinzi.”
“I know what you meant,” I say. “Every dream I cherished was taken from me. It’s not that I don’t believe in dreaming. I just feel cursed. If I stay here, I will have nothing to look forward to except watching more people I love pass away.”
“But you came back when mi asked.”
“Honestly, Momma, I didn’t want to.”
My mother waves her hand. “You still came home, and from now on, you’ll come more often. Or at least I hope you will. Our family needs to have its older sister around more.”
“Why did you want me to be the guide for this group? And don’t tell me about the ancestors.”
My mother yawns. “Mi did know Maxi. Fairly well, and mi owed her a favor from when we were girls. She didn’t tell on me when I snuck into the jungle with your father.” My mother raises her eyebrows teasingly. “That clearing you went to was one of our favorite places.”
I gasp in surprise but then chuckle at the youthful smile on my mother’s face as I help her to her feet. “That’s enough chatter for one evening it’s time for you to go to bed.”
My mother leans on me heavily. “You’re right, Zinzi. Mi needs some rest.”
I kiss her on top of the head. “It’s the only way you’ll get better, Momma.”
“Uh-huh. The only way.”
CHAPTER 39
OTHELLA
Accompong, Maroon Village, Cockpit Country, Week Eight
An unbearable heat wave climbs into the Cockpit as if it has arms and legs crawling on all fours. It travels down my back and over my head, leaving me drenched in sweat and irritable. It’s late October in Chicago, and just knowing it might be cold enough for some snow on the ground back home makes me long for the city where I was born and raised. Even Robbie agrees that we wouldn’t be so hot if we were in Chicago. But that’s just a hint of the trouble I’m in.
The clouds hang thick and black in the sky, while a flock of birds rises from the treetops to the east, sweeping the sky to safer ground. Robbie and I walk through a field nestled between two mountains. As far as the eye can see, rows of sugarcane stretch across the landscape. He learned from one of the village elders that the plants are over fifteen years old and continue to sprout each year.
“It is one of the richest valleys in the Cockpit,” he says. “The daily rains and warm sun create the ideal conditions for cultivating sugar, ginger, coffee, and bananas. These are staplesof Maroon commerce, alongside breadfruit, plantains, coconuts, yams, corn, ackee, pimento, cho-cho, cucumbers, and cashews.” He pauses to catch his breath. “There is so much here. I could stay forever.”
He carries the two baskets of fruits and vegetables we’ve gathered in the valley. “You’ve been different since you returned from Kingston,” he says.
Not only has he noticed, he is also gently asking questions about how I feel and if there’s anything he can do to help.
I hesitate to respond. Our pinky swear weighs heavily on my mind. If I say anything, it would be a lie, and I don’t want to face the consequences of lying. Not the absurd penalty of having to swallow a thousand needles; there aren’t that many needles in all of Accompong. What troubles me is losing Robbie’s trust.
“Are you going to answer me?” he asks, still walking with his baskets in hand.
I don’t respond. Maybe if I stay quiet long enough, he will grow tired of waiting and leave me be. But when have I ever been that lucky?
“This has something to do with Kingston. What happened when you went there with Zinzi? Tell me—I won’t judge you, Othella, no matter what it is. I want you to know that you can always talk to me.”
