I cover my eyes with my hands. “I can’t forgive her. I just can’t.”
“Okay, then, don’t forgive her. Kick her out of your life.Forget her feelings for you and your feelings for her. Forget everything she’s done for you over the years—you should be able to do that.”
“I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm, Tully.”
“Am I being sarcastic? I don’t think so.” He claps his hands together and holds on. “She says they’re no longer a couple. The relationship ended a long time ago. She did that because she loves you.”
“Does she? Can something like that ever really end?”
He shrugs. “If you want something to end badly enough, it will end.”
Seething anger rises within me. “How can you be so calm? My father made you marry me after Clifford passed away. He knew Clifford was aware of his relationship with Maxi. Don’t you feel betrayed? Why aren’t you angry?”
“We’re talking about betrayal, selfishness, and deceit,” he states. “How can I judge Maxi or even your father? Not when I was ready to believe I betrayed my brother. I selfishly admitted my love for his wife. I aimed to upset him, to hurt him; my big brother, the doctor—the ideal husband, the perfect man my parents treasured. I was envious of him. I drank too much and let that envy take over.” He shut his eyes, and although I couldn’t see them, I could feel his tears. “So, why am I not angry? Perhaps it’s because I’m weary of blaming others for my decisions.”
He reaches out and takes my hand. “And your father didn’t force me—I wanted to marry you.”
Tears fill my eyes as I look to the sky, hoping to hold them back. But there are no stars; the night is empty—no light, no sparkles. How could such a thing happen in Jamaica? It is an island without stars, a phenomenon that only occurs when it rains. Yet, there is not a single drop of moisture in the air or a breeze. No rustling of the leaves on the silk cotton tree, only the rise and fall of Tully’s voice in my ears.
“I can’t just let it go.”
Tully tilts his head. “We can’t change your father, Maxi, or your mother. We can only do what we can to help ourselves.”
“You sound so wise and mature.”
“Is that a problem? I actually like the sound of mature Tully,” he replies.
“I came to Jamaica seeking forgiveness from the silk cotton tree and the duppies. I wanted Clifford to forgive me—and you, too.”
“I understand that,” Tully says. “But can we repair our relationship?”
“Do you want to?”
“I do.”
“Do you love me?”
He squeezes my kneecap. “Yes, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“So, there’s hope for us.”
“Yes, there is. Plenty.” I kiss him on the cheek, and for the first time in a long while, he doesn’t pull away.
CHAPTER 32
ZINZI
Accompong, Maroon Village, Cockpit Country, Week Four
As I run from my mother’s house, tears stream down my face. This is why I don’t visit. But she’s getting her way. I can’t leave Accompong, not with this tension between us.
I take a mule to Maggotty to send two telegrams, one to Allan, apologizing for being unable to return for the upcoming demonstrations. I must stay in Accompong longer than I originally planned.
The second telegram takes longer to write, even though its message is shorter. Instead of quickly jotting down what I need to write, I walk around the small telegraph office, pacing back and forth. Finally, I hand the message to the woman operating the telegraph. It reads:
Byron, I won’t be returning to Kingston for two weeks.
