I was silently amused at the thought as I shook both their hands and offered them a seat on the couch. She cuddled next to him, hand on his knee. They leaned into each other instead of away. All good signs.
I always began each note with how the couple appears, so I jotted it down before officially starting the session.
“Nice to see you all again, how has it been going?” I asked.
“Good,” Mr. Thompson answered.
“Fine.” Breeze followed up.
“Great, I gave you all homework over the course of the last week, and I told you that if you have any emotions or questions that you want to explore, let’s discuss them in this session. Before we get into our group assignment, were there any concerns?” I asked.
“Yep,” Mr. Thompson said. Admittedly, it made me break character and Breeze laugh. She shook her head because she knew this nigga was about to air her out again.
“Okay…” I waited for him to pull out his list again. It seems like every time we did one of these exercises, he found out something about her that he didn’t know.
“One of the exercises opened the discussion for the things that we didn’t explore in the twenty-four hours, that we would still like to do.” As soon as he said that, she shrank again. But he continued.
“Mine was a threesome, again, I know my wife is not attracted to women. She said she would still be willing to watch but didn’t want to be involved that way. That’s cool. So, then she tells methat she doesn’t feel like she’s explored all of her kinks. Like degradation and being watched. I’m trying to be open-minded about it, but that one feels like it might be out of my range. I ain’t gone hold you,” He chuckled.
She just slowly shook her head as he talked. I fought hard to hold my amusement this time.
“Understood. Mrs. Thompson, you care to elaborate for Mr. Thompson?” I pushed.
“Ummm, he says it’s disrespectful. But I think he’s confused about what I mean. I’m not asking him to slap me and stomp me out. Just sprinkle a little profanity every now and again in the place of ‘beautiful’ or ‘baby’. That’s all.”
“Do you receive that?” I asked him.
“Yeah, but I still don’t think I could do it.” He admitted.
“Okay, this is actually great for discussion. What I’m hearing is the boundary shifting as you learn more about your desires. Mrs. Thompson, do you understand that you may like something that your husband is uncomfortable with?”
“Yes,” she answered softly.
“Mr. Thompson, do you understand that your desire to be with two women who are intimate with each other as well may never happen with your wife?”
“Yeah,” he responded.
“Great. What does this mean for you if your needs or desires are left unmet? Is it something you can continue to live without exploring?” I asked.
“I’m going to be real. If it were an ultimatum, like either you do this or you have me. I’d pick my wife hands down, but it’s something I still want to do.” He responded.
“I can agree with that. If I had to live without it, I could.” She added.
I nodded and recorded their response. Again, looking at their body language after a raw discussion, neither of them shifted from the other. Still exhibiting safety and connection.
“I asked you all to answer three questions for your session. If you have those sealed envelopes, I would like for you all to read them to me now.” I said once I finished writing down their responses.
“Mrs. Thompson, I want you to start first,” I said, because I noticed that Breeze let Timothy answer the majority of the questions first. Whoever speaks first normally sets the emotional tone and gives the other partner the chance to adjust their answer. Even if they don’t mean to.
“Sure. Why am I choosing this marriage today? The same reason why I’ve chosen my husband every day. Because I couldn’t imagine life without him in it. I feel safe, loved, valued, and understood. What am I willing to sacrifice? The unknown. I’d be willing to forego everything that I could have possibly missed out on having if it means keeping what I have right now. What do I need? Him to be more spontaneous.” She said as she closed the paper, placed it in her lap, then looked up at me.
“Let’s hold the responses for now. Mr. Thompson, read yours.” I urged.
“I’m choosing my marriage because I love you more than anything. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life knowing you ain’t my wife. What would I sacrifice? Everything. No questions asked, without a doubt. And what do I need? You to be comfortable talking to me about the things you want.”
I wrote as fast as I could, recording their answers before I looked up, and also noted that the answers to the questions were almost identical.
“Neither of you mentioned the arrangements in your responses, which means that you all want to stay married by any means. Maybe the focal point of therapy should be that. Mrs.Thompson, you said that you wanted these exercises to help you reach a decision. Have you gotten any closer to doing so?” I asked.
