A woman who deserves better than this.
Better than me.
I turn off the water. Step out onto the mat. Reach for the towel and wrap it around my waist, tucking it tight.
The mirror is fogged over. I can see my reflection, blurred and indistinct. A shadow of a man. Edges without definition.
I need to shave.
The meeting is in a few hours. I need to look like a leader. Strong. Put together. In control.
The last three times my beard got too long, Artan helped me. It was humiliating every single time. Needing help with something so basic. So simple.
But Artan won't be here for another hour at least.
I could wait. Should wait.
But then I think about Lily.
She's here.
She could help me.
And the thought doesn't bring frustration. Doesn't bring that burning resentment I feel when I need help with basic tasks.
It brings something else. Something warmer. Something that feels almost like anticipation.
I don't question it. Don't examine it too closely.
I just call out. "Lily."
Silence. Then footsteps. Quick. Light. Moving down the hallway with purpose.
She appears in the doorway of the ensuite. I can see her shape, the outline of her body. Small. Delicate. Hear her breath catch.
Right. The towel. That's all I'm wearing.
"How can I help?" Her voice is hesitant. Careful.
"I need to shave," I say, keeping my tone even. "Artan usually helps, but he won't be here for a while."
Silence. Long enough that I can hear her breathing. Fast. Shallow. Like she's processing what I'm asking.
"I haven't done that before," she says finally. "I'm afraid I might hurt you. Maybe it's better to wait for Artan?"
"It's not that complicated." I turn toward her voice. Track the sound. "I'll tell you exactly what to do. Guide you through it."
Guide her.
The thought sends heat through me again. Guiding her hands. Her movements. Telling her where to touch, how much pressure to use.
Zot më ndihmoni.God help me.
I'm getting hard again, despite having just come minutes ago. The towel doing nothing to hide it.
"Okay," Lily says. Quiet. Uncertain. "Where do you want me?"
The question hits low. Innocent and loaded at the same time.
