“My club brothers won’t mind.”
I roll my eyes, and reach over, slapping his shoulder.
“Stop it.” I scold him as I sit back in my seat, my jigging knee starting back up as I chew on my nail.
“Talk to me then, Angel. What’s going through your head right now?”
My eyes flick to him, worried he can read my thoughts, before I glance over my shoulder into the back seat.
There’s camp gear packed for an overnight stay, but amongst it is a baby car seat, the product tags still attached.
Millie bought it online back when I was… pregnant. When Bobbi died… shit, no… when wethoughtBobbi had died, Millie packed it away in her room so I wouldn’t have to see it.
It’s like she knew, just like I think I did, that my little girl was never really gone.
“Abs?” Ringo’s voice drags my attention back to him, and I sigh, dropping my hand to the seat and shoving it under my thigh to stop me from biting my nails.
“What if I’m bad at this?” I practically whisper as I admit it out loud. “What if she’s better off without me?”
I can feel Ringo’s eyes on me as I stare forward, straight out the windscreen.
“Your worry is just another one of those mum things that all the good mums worry about, Angel.”
“But for real?” I turn and look at him this time. “I don’t know the first thing about being a mum. I’ve never cared for a baby before. I’ve never looked afteranyone. I’ve been controlled by people my whole life. How am I supposed to raise a child? I—”
“Angel, stop.”
“No, Ringo.” I shake my head, refusing to let him try to comfort me with words meant to appease. “I’m not a good person. I’ve killed people. I keep seeing their…”
I trail off, clenching my jaw as I fight the threatening tears.
“You see their faces?” Ringo asks, and I nod.
“What if Bobbi finds out what a monster I really am?” My eyes plead with him for brutal honesty.
“I think she’ll just see a woman that was fighting for her little girl.”
“But I thought Bobbi was dead then. I didn’t do those things to protect her. I did them out of hate. Anger.”
“Revenge. Justice,” Ringo corrects. “Don’t forget, those people meant you harm. Some meant Bobbi harm too. They needed to pay for what they did.”
I consider that, wondering if I would have killed them if Bobbi had been alive.
If those Rebels had come to the hospital intending to take her, then yes, I still would have killed them. Maybe my mind wouldn’t have been ruled by so much hate and anger, but I still would’ve picked up a gun. I still would’ve pulled the trigger to protect Bobbi.
The same with Wendy. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so… violent. But she willingly put Bobbi in danger. That alone would have been enough.
Some of the people I’ve killed were fuelled by rage. I know that now. But I also realise something else. I still would have killed every single one of them. The only difference would’ve been the reason. Rage versus the wild, desperate need to protect.
“I still would have killed them,” I admit out loud, and Ringo nods, his expression soft with sympathy.
“And since you can’t change the past, you need to focus on the future and what sort of mum you want to be.”
“I know what sort of mum Idon’twant to be,” I rush out, cringing as I shake my head. “I can’t get her voice out of my head, telling me I’m not fit to be a mother.”
“Force it out,” Ringo growls. “That bitch is the one not fit to be a mother. You’re already more of a mother than she ever was. Look how you’ve fought to protect Bobbi. Look what you’ve done for Tahli.”
His hand squeezes my thigh again, and I turn in the seat, resting on my side as I stare at the man I married.
