My gaze sweeps over the names etched into the metal plates of the memorial wall. I wandered here after Brody rushed off. I’d lost the urge to hit Daniel in that moment, but my mind refuses to snap out of this dark haze wrapped around me like a bubble.
Reaching out, I hover my fingers over the name, Jamie Halley - Mule, but stop the moment I spot red coating my hands.
Blood.
Daniel’s blood.
And I’m still wearing the knuckle duster.
Oh… should I wash it? How does one take care of a knuckle duster? And does it even need taking care of?
“Abbey!” I hear a yell. Ringo’s yell.
Turning to glance over my shoulder, I see him bounding from the dungeon shipping container, his eyes frantic as he searches for me.
I guess he’s seen what I’ve done. How I left Daniel beaten and bloody.
How can he even love me?
Jesus… I’m so sick of feeling like this.
Glancing back at the memorial wall, my glassy eyes lock onto Mule’s name.
“Am I redeemable?” I whisper. “If I get Bobbi back, and she grows up to find out what I’ve done. Who I’ve killed. The monster I can be… Will she hate me?”
“Abbey!” Ringo’s voice is less frantic now, coming closer with the sounds of his pounding boots approaching. “Fuck, Angel. Are you alright?”
I don’t turn back, shame washing over me as I prepare to be caught red-handed. Literally.
I don’t deserve him.
The feel of his strong hands on my shoulders makes me jolt, like his touch finally breaks through the bubble, and a sob lurches from my lips.
“I’m a monster,” I murmur as he gently spins me to face him, those whisky eyes roaming over me to make sure I’m okay.
“You’re not a monster, Angel.” He tries to soothe me, but I shake my head, holding up my blood coated hands.
“These are the hands of a monster, Cam. That’s what I’ve become.”
His shoulders drop, like he’s finally accepting that, so I steel myself for his disappointment.
“You’ve become what you’ve needed to become to get through this. To survive this.”
I frown at his words. “I’ve become a monster. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be a mother. My mum was right.”
“No way.” His fingers dig into my upper arms as he gives me a single shake. “No fucking way am I letting that woman’s toxic words settle in your head. Youdodeserve to be a mother, and any woman or mother that says they could never harm someone else is a lying bitch, or living in a fucking dreamland full of unicorns and fairies, because let me tell you, the moment someone hurts their kid, they’ll turn into the fucking she-devil herself.”
“Not every mother,” I whisper, my eyes burning with tears I hate since they are related to the woman who birthed me.
“I guess noteverymother,” he agrees, “but those mothers are the ones who don’t deserve that fucking title, Angel. Because if they aren’t willing to burn the whole fucking world down for their own child, then they don’t deserve to be called a parent.”
For a long moment, I just stare up at this big brute of a man wondering how I got so lucky to have him fighting in my corner.
“I don’t know if I can be the mother Bobbi deserves,” I admit quietly, and those big hands shift from my arms to my face, framing it as he leans in closer.
“Every good mother thinks that, Angel. I know the idea of being a mother is scary, especially after grieving for so long and thinking that your little girl was gone… was in the afterlife with my Hope…” His voice cracks, and big fat tears burst from my eyes as my heart aches forhim. “But Bobbi’s alive, waiting for her mum to find her. Waiting for her mum to hold her and never let her go.”
A loud sob escapes me as I nod, trying to smile through my tears, and Ringo crashes me to his chest, holding my head to him like I’m precious, while I hold my arms out to each side, trying my best not to get blood on him.
