He insists. His big hands brace my thighs. “I know none of this was part of the plan, but nothing good ever is, Jules. I’m…I’m in love with you.”
I feel too shitty about Great-Grandma to even process the words he’s saying. I don’t deserve anything good. I don’t deserve any pretty words. I don’t deserve this wonderful man’s sympathy.
My breath catches, and I shake my head. "No. No, stop it. You don't have to say that just because I'm hurting. We can stop pretending now. It's done. It’s all over.”
“I’m not pretending. I mean it, Jules. I’m just the idiot who needed my fake marriage to fall apart to realize that I’mreallyin love with my wife.”
No. I can’t stay. His words hurt too badly.
My guardian angel makes an unwelcome appearance, taking Lincoln’s side for once.Don’t run away, Jules. Hear him out. He means it. You know that.
But taking the risk feels to scary right now.
“I can’t. I just…I’m sorry,” I croak around my closed throat.
Then I’m out of my swing and running off as he calls after me. I leave Lincoln and the party behind, and I just keep going. I can’t stop. Not even when my lungs start burning with proof of how out of shape I now am.Really shouldn’t have skipped all those kick-boxing classes over the past few weeks.
The guilt and the failure and my own lies threaten to strangle me. I’ve never been so angry with myself. So disappointed in my own choices.
Not only did I break Great-Grandma’s heart, but now my time with Lincoln and Cameron is also coming to an end.
I guess my little fairytale has abruptly come crashing down. No happy ending for me.
Just back to my sad, hopeless existence. Jumping job to job, house to house until I go and disappoint someone else.
And there it is, right on cue…my villain origin story.
48
JULES
Strawberry cake.
A birthday kiss from my husband.
Opening presents with my friends.
Being my great-grandmother’s pride and joy.
All things I’ve lost today. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve been walking aimlessly around town for hours, ever since I ran away from my own birthday party. My feet are killing me, I’m emotionally wrecked, and exhaustion is finally settling in.
“Yeah, Jules. You really nailed it this time. You really nailed the coffin of every last relationship you’ve ever cared about. Bravo. Seriously, bravo.”
I’ve been talking to myself a lot in the last couple miles. I’ve slid right past denial and anger, and I’m going all in on the looney stage where you start talking to yourself.
I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mind. My only rational thought revolves around fixing this mess with Great-Grandma. So, that’s what I’m doing now, hiking in my unforgiving biker boots all the way to the edge of town so I can grovel at her feet and beg for her forgiveness.Because I’ll never be able to fall asleep tonight withthe image of Great-Grandma’s disappointment replaying in my mind.
I’m sweaty and my dry, dusty lips taste like dirt by the time I reach the Lannister mansion. Every window is dark, making the place feel more like a museum where disappointment and shattered expectations come to die.
I don’t have many happy memories here. Except for the ones I’ve made recently with Great-Grandma. I was finally getting to know this woman I’ve held on a pedestal for so long. She was getting to like me. And now, it’s all ruined.
Afraid I’m going to lose the little bit of courage I have, I quickly ring the doorbell and wait on the front steps.
And then I wait.
And I wait some more.
