1
JULES
I’m well aware of my reputation.
Rebel. Hellcat. She-devil. Headache-on-wheels.
Those are the things people whisper about me.
But I know who I am. I’m Julissa Mei Lannister. And after 26 years of instantly becoming the outcast in every room I’ve ever stepped into, I wear each insult like a badge of honor these days.
I’ve built myself up so strong, my armor is un-dent-able now.
Even still, the scene at tonight’s family dinner is a vindication of sorts. It confirms that this extra-spicy temper of mine is a hereditary thing.
Because let’s be so fucking for real—Great-Grandma Josephine is certifiably unhinged.
“Pregnant…? Did you say you’repregnant…?”
The elderly woman’s question rumbles from one end of the twenty-foot black walnut dining table to the other.
The dinnerware clatters, the chandelier shakes, the wallpapered walls hold their breath in terror. Great-Grandma’s dainty, little Chanel suit and pristine silver sponge roller curls aren’t fooling anyone. The woman is terrifying.
Cousin Gina’s shoulders clamp up around her earlobes and her blonde head bobs on a slow, reluctant nod. “Y-yes…” Her response comes out as a quiet squeak, barely rising above the Frank Sinatra ballad playing on low.
Walking stick gripped in one weathered hand, Josephine the Terror hobbles up out of her chair. With her other palm, she absentmindedly thwacks at the cassette player sitting on the hand-carved antique sideboard.
“Speak up louder, dear,” she says, a vicious bite in the high-fructose sweetness of her words. “I don’t believe I heard you correctly. What was that you just said?”
Gina’s voice is shaking when she speaks again. “I’m”—gulp—“pregnant.”
Frank Sinatra keeps on crooning, his soothing vocals gliding over the room. It’s a stark contrast to the prickly electric charge that’s quickly building in the air.
The family matriarch turns toward the sideboard and smacks at the cassette player again. “How do you shut this thing off?! Martha! How do you shut this darn thing off?!” She keeps smacking until she knocks the prehistoric gadget right over the edge, sending it into freefall.
In a move that would qualify her for a spot on any Olympic volleyball team, Martha, the long-time housekeeper, lunges into the room and catches Great-Grandmother’s beloved cassette player right before it hits the hardwood floor.
The music dies an abrupt death.
The dining room nose-dives into a nerve-tickling silence.
And Great-Grandma starts ranting.
“I have hadenoughof you unmarried heathens getting impregnated out of wedlock and desecrating the Lannister family name!” She jabs her walking stick into the floor. “Each generation of you is more disappointing than the last. Do you know how much sacrifice went into building this fortune?” Shegestures to the ornate, gilded room around us. “You take all of this for granted, you entitled fools. How long before the empire your great-grandfather spent his life building is reduced to nothing but a garage sale outside the front gates?”
The tiny, manicured woman rants and rants, her voice cracking and quaking with the intensity of her rage. Keeping my head down so as not to catch any strays, I slurp a spoonful of my mysterious white soup.
Great-Grandma has always been a firecracker, and there’s usually at least one totally unhinged moment at every Lannister family dinner. Today, the matriarch isnottaking kindly to Cousin Gina’s unexpected pregnancy announcement.
At all.Like, at all.
“But…but w-we’re getting married,” Gina blurts out. “I promise. Darryl and I are engaged.” She throws a pleading glance toward her soon-to-be baby daddy. “We’re engaged, right?”
Engaged? Ha! I’m sure that’s a stretch.
Darryl splutters a cough, choking on his own spoonful of soup. When his bulging eyeballs collide with Great-Grandma’s death glare, he gives his head a rapid nod, his hand swiping at the liquid currently dribbling down his chin. “Right. Engaged. We’re…engaged.”
I blatantly roll my eyes. Over the past two years, Gina has attended each and every family gathering with a different plus-one. Based on my calculations, she and this Darryl guy have been dating for no more than twenty-one business days.
