Was he waving the white flag here? Giving us the green light? Not that we had plans to actually go anywhere and explore this obvious thing between us. We both had quite the baggage at our feet. “What are you trying to say?”
He hung his head, resting his elbows on his legs. “That I feel stuck in the middle.”
I set my hand on his back. “That’s the last place I want you to be.”
“I’m supposed to protect you from getting hurt, but I also have a duty to protect him.” He kept his gaze shielded from me. “You’ve both been through a lot. I don’t want either of you ... You know?”
I filled in the dots. Not hard to do. “You don’t want to see us hurt.” I was on the same dog-eared (okay,bookmarked) page. “I’ve had two failed marriages. I was adamant I’d never let myself feel anything for anyone ever again. You should see the number of texts I said exactly that to Hollis in the last year.” My mom, too, before I’d found out my life had been a lie.
“And now? Do you feel like it’s possible again?” He glanced at me without lifting his head.
“I honestly don’t know. I never expected fantasy to become reality.” I cringed at the realization of what had just come out of my mouth. I let go of his back to cover my face in embarrassment. “Anyway.” Doubted that awkward-killer word would work right now. “All I know is, weseem to understand each other. Maybe we have a connection because we know what it’s like to survive betrayal.”
“And how long have you two been in the same boat?”
At least he didn’t press on my fantasy remark. But was that him asking if we’d hooked up? “My boat is sinking. There’s a hole in it. Ship’s going down.” My hands returned to my lap, and I stared at my ring finger, which had been bare ever since the morning Mitch deployed, the last time I saw him. “As for his boat? I don’t know. You’d have to ask him.”
Talk about taking the long way to not actually answer his question. I hoped he wouldn’t notice.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Neither. Do. I.
“I take it that means you two haven’t actually ...”
“You could just ask me instead of letting me roam into vague boat metaphors.”
He lifted his head, cracking a small smile, and it was good to see. “I’d rather not ask my sister, who I’ve only known since Christmas, if she’s sleeping with my best friend.” He covered his eyes as if realizing he’d kind of just gone there anyway. “Guessing it’s a no, though, based on the conversation I accidentally stepped into.”
“It’s a no,” I confirmed. “Very innocent. Like, first-base territory.” Though had the man asked me to get naked and on the bed for him last night, I would haveYes, sir’d the heck out of him, easily forgetting where we were and why, just to have one perfect night with him, one free of pain and both our pasts.
“I prefer hockey references,” he said with a half smile.
“Okay, okay. No goals made. We only kissed.”And I nearly had an orgasm from rubbing myself against his erection while we kissed.Points for keeping that to myself. “Please don’t kill him. Or me.”
He shook his head, sitting up taller, not yet giving me his eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s not my place to tell you what you can or can’t do withyour life. As much as I’d love to step in for our asshole father and protect you like that, I know I shouldn’t.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re doing a great job at being an overprotective big brother, which is all I both want and need.”
“And are brothers allowed to tell their younger sisters what to do?” His gaze slipped my way, and he smirked.
“Yes, and it’s my duty to not listen and do the opposite.”
He laughed, and some of the tension seemed to lift off into the ether along with the sound. “I love ya, Audrey. You know I do, right?”
“And I love you.” It occurred to me that it was the first time I’d told him that, and based on the grin on his face, he’d enjoyed hearing it. With my hand off his shoulder, I nudged him in the side. “But if you could tell me what to do, and I’d actually listen, what would you say?”
He lifted his eyes to the ceiling. Cue change in the air and mood.Shit.
“Alex’s ship isn’t sinking—it’s already at the bottom of the ocean. That’s what I’d tell you. And I don’t know if he can ever resurface.” He peered at me again. “Sorry, I went back to the boat thing. Not sure I made sense, either.”
“You did. And I think you should know that Alex came up for air last night. It felt that way, at least. And I’m pretty sure I did, too.”
“Which means?”
“There’s hope?” I shrugged. “I think?” Maybe. I had no clue. First, I had to repair whatever damage I felt I’d done with my “nothing between us” comment, which had come out of my mouth like a bad reflex.
“I can’t handle your heart getting broken after what you’ve been through, and I can’t watch him get hurt after what he’s dealt with, either.” He stood. “Just promise me you’ll take things slow.” He rested his hands on his hips. “Please don’t do the opposite because I said that,” he added with a small smile.
