"They let people in — they did that, and it cost them their lives." My voice cracks as I allow him to intertwine our fingers fully. "They trusted Vellarans, and I-I'm married to one."
Axel tugs on my hand, forcing me to look over at him fully, "don't do that. Don't confuse Rorin with his parents, that's unfair even for you."
The pressure in my chest builds, and I drag my attention back to that bleeding split in the road. "I already cost the most important person in my life theirs."
"E…"
"NO!" I rip my hand from his and push up off the ground, whirling on him. "This was an idiotic plan. I never should have proposed it, I-I—"
"It's not your fault, Eveera."
My vision blurs with my tears, burning the backs of my eyes, “yes, it is!"
"Our deaths are not your fault."
"I should have protected you better!" I cry, my body collapsing forward into his chest, his strong arms wrapping around me.
Axel shushes softly into my hair, his rough palm brushing down the wild curls springing from my head. "It was our job to protect you — it was our oath. An oath I will break — even in death — if I find you searching for me here again."
My breath hitches, and I look up at him through my thick lashes, meeting his stern expression. "It's the only place I know I'll find you… I-I can't lose you again, I won't be able to bear it."
"You have a kingdom to run, and that does not include you offing yourself or driving yourself to madness so that you can spend time with me. Find me in other places, E. I'm in so many other places."
I can feel my body shaking, but Axel's hands haven't moved. The shaking turns to pulling and—
"Eveera… please. Wake up…" My eyes snap open, and I look up to Rorin desperately, my face growing hot as I feel another wave of tears coming on. Without question, he grabs hold of me, folding me into his chest, while the sobs steal the air from my lungs. "Breathe, Nightmare. Breathe."
I dig my nails into his skin, trying to ground myself.One… two… three… four…This is ridiculous. Pathetic, Eveera.Myconscience chides as I choke down the rest of my cries. "When will these dreams end?" I hear him grumble, and a weight sinks inside my chest. The pad of his thumb strokes down my cheek, wiping away the residue until it slides underneath my chin, tipping my face towards him. "What was that?"
"It's my fault."
"What is, beloved?"He whispers, his dark brows scrunching together and his eyes growing softer.
I can't take it.
I push against his chest, tearing out of his hold, to sit upright. "EVERYTHING! All of it! My mother, Axel, Orem, and Max."
Rorin rises onto his knees, his hands ghosting down the sides of my arms, “what are you talking about?"
"Their deaths, Rorin! I killed them… I-I–"
"Oh,Nightmare…"
I shake my head back and forth, not having the patience to hear his gentle platitudes, "don't, DON'T!"
"Eveera, you didn't kill them."
"Yes,yes,I did."
He locks his fingers behind my head and growls, "look at me, Eveera. Look at me!" His stare is noticeably less soft now; in fact, he looks angry with me. "There are two people responsible for that, but neither of them isyou."
"Ha!Two people whom I'm preparing to invite to this court – into ourhome!"
"You're inviting them into a place where you have the upper hand. They're power-hungry sycophants — my father, who selfishly bought himself an army with the blood of his people, and Baelor, who has been working his way through the realm like a disease."
I blow out a breath, my shoulders slumping forward, "you're not helping."
"What I'm trying to say is that they're easily distracted. We have something Baelor desperately wants back, and once he knows that, he'll have no other option than to act on our terms."
