Lachlan smiled as he began removing items from the wardrobe and laying them over the bed, in consideration for the cabin trip. He liked hearing the excitement that crept into Monroe's voice as he talked, as though all the things Tyrone had said or done today made him feel alive. “That's really great. It's hard to find a good man like that,” he admitted, knowing fine well that he was a lucky bastard for tripping over Cormag in the pub, that day. If he hadn't gone there, he wasn't sure how long it would have taken for them to actually meet, but he knew it would have happened. Destiny worked like that.
“He said he was fascinated by me, Lachlan,” Monroe revealed, with a light chuckle. “That he wants to get to know me and that my Aspergers and bipolar don't mean anything to him, other than that they make me unique and special, in more ways than just being different to other people.”
He stopped there, leaving a long, pregnant pause that Lachlan was uncertain about. Was he supposed to fill it? If so, with what? Approval? Support? Monroe knew he had both of them already. Was he asking for permission to go ahead and act on it? Because that would be awkward.
“You okay, kiddo?” he asked, worried that he'd missed something important.
With a deep breath, he said, “Lachlan, he asked if he had to stop showing his feelings for me and I said no. Well...that's not true. I didn't actually say anything. I...Lachlan, I kissed him!”
“What?” He laughed and gasped at the same time, ending in a brief coughing fit. Which only grew worse as he began to think of what Cormag would say about all of this. “That's...that's amazing!” he promised, once he finally got his breathing under control. “I'm so proud of you. Go you, for making the first move.”
“I know, right?” Monroe laughed with him, sounding so happy that it made Lachlan's cheeks ache with smiling for him. “I figured it was something you would do, so it would be okay. And, I think it was. Tyrone asked me to go to Dublin with him, in separate rooms, but to look at it as a sort of trial run for dating. We'll have to go for dinner and see the sights anyway, which is normal for business trips like this, where there will be a lot of free time in the evenings. But, since it's just the two of us, he's asked if it's okay to sort of practice date, during our trip,” he revealed, in a big long speech that warranted a gasping breath at the end of it. Then he kept going. “I said yes, because I really like him. He makes me smile and laugh; he never looks down on me and when I can't meet his eyes, he doesn't push it or get angry. Sometimes he smiles, as if I can't look at him because I want to and don't want him to know. And, I think maybe sometimes that's true.”
Lachlan took a slow breath and sat on the edge of the bed, abandoning his attempt at packing for a moment. “Monroe, stop and take a breath with me, before you hyperventilate,” he suggested, running through three long breaths with him, before he spoke again. “I am so happy for you. I know that you'd have said something to Cormag about dismissing Tyrone's flirting, when he mentioned it, if you weren't interested. So I'm really happy that you were strong enough to make the first move. That couldn't have been easy, knowing he's your boss.”
“Yeah.” Monroe's breath was a little shaky now, probably from the adrenaline rush of having acted so out of character. “But, I think it's okay. I mean, he's never treated me different all this time and he says that he's felt this way a long time. Maybe even since we met. So I don't think he'd change how we work together, if we did date,” he admitted, which was a relief.
“That's good to know.” And, though he didn't say it, would ease Cormag's mind a little. “I promise I'll work on your brother while we're away at the cabin. It will give him time to stew and calm down. You do know it's not that he doesn't trust you or want you to be happy, right? He's just being over-protective and is scared that you'll get hurt,” he mentioned, hoping Monroe understood that. Cormag would never try to ruin his happiness, on purpose or by accident.
“I know.”
There was a smile in his voice that convinced Lachlan, so he changed the subject. “So...first kiss. How was it?” he asked, since his own memories of his first kiss were abysmal. But that happened when a person tried to ignore their true feelings and attempted to fit a round peg into a square hole.
“I asked him if I did it right and he said it was perfect. He looked surprised, but I think it was good,” Monroe replied, clearly more concerned with how Tyrone had taken the kiss than his own thoughts. Which was just so like him that Lachlan wasn't even surprised.
He smiled to himself and rose from the bed to continue packing. “I'm glad to hear it. And you liked it?” he checked, hoping he hadn't just gone along with it, after knowing it wasn't something he liked.
“It was very nice,” he admitted shyly. “I'm just…it's a lot of new things at once. I want them, but it's a little scary. I really like him and I don't want to make a mistake.”
The confession wasn't a surprise. He'd once felt the same about Cormag, so all he could do was make a solemn promise, “You won't.”
“But what if I do?”
“Then he'll tell you it doesn't matter. Tyrone really likes you,” he swore, knowing that for a fact. Though, he had a sneaking suspicion that it had grown beyond 'like' if he was having a hard time hiding it.
“How can you tell?” he asked, sounding just scared enough to reveal how much that mattered to him.
Lachlan thought of how to phrase it, but decided just to come out with it. “Sweetie, if he didn't like you so much, you wouldn't even know he was flirting with you. It sounds like he's having a hard time hiding it from you, because he's felt this way for so long that he can't hide it. It's...it's like a heavy weight on top of you, when you feel that strongly for a person. And, eventually, you just have to share that weight, if you want to come out alive.”
God, how long had he felt like that? Far too long. His whole teenage life he'd been suffering a weight that didn't belong to him. It was the weight of faking being 'straight' and not really knowing what he truly was. The weight of pretending to be whole, while knowing there was a gaping hole inside of him.
Then, when Cormag came along, it was like that weight was lifted. It let him breathe for the first time. Let him know what it felt like to share something so intense with another person. But for a whole new reason.
Monroe sighed and whispered, “I think I'd like to share it.”
The sweet words made him smile. He knew how that felt, too.
***
By the time Cormag got home, Lachlan was feeling on top of the world and had packed their bags for the trip to the cabin. He had some light music on in the background, while he did some housework.
When soft padded footsteps sounded his husband's entrance into the room, he turned and met him halfway in a long, lingering kiss. Cormag hummed as he wrapped both arms around Lachlan's waist, while he stepped up onto his tiptoes to keep a hold of him. Only when he reluctantly sank back to his heels did he throw the packet of wet wipes away and lay his arms over Cormag's shoulders.
“Dance with me?” he asked, needing some extended hours of proximity to his husband, to satisfy the need he'd been consumed with all day.
“Everything alright?” he replied, while gently grasping Lachlan's left hand in his and keeping his right arm wrapped firmly around his waist. When he began to sway, Lachlan allowed his eyes to close and his head to lean forward and rest against Cormag's chest.
“Yes. It's just been a long day,” he confessed, though that was only the start. Quietly and slowly, he began to talk of what he'd done today, who he had talked to and about what. Then, once he'd vented his need to have Cormag close for a while, he listened to his husband recount his day.
