***
Darren was quiet all through dinner – a barbecue on the decking – and the game of volleyball that only half of them indulged in afterwards. In fact, he'd been pretty quiet all evening, since Giovanni told him he wanted to talk.
Despite being part of the winning team – with him, Tam and Cormag all playing against Konnor, Grayson and Levi – Giovanni felt like he'd done something wrong. He'd tried to celebrate with his boyfriend, even while Lachlan and Mack tried to get to know each other, with Casen's help. But, Darren just sat there, quiet as a mouse, staring at the waves and acting strange.
It was unnerving.
“Baby, you okay?” Giovanni asked, as they ventured to their room at the end of the night. His boyfriend said he was tired and had excused himself early, at nine o'clock, so Giovanni had followed him to the room.
Darren shrugged and sat on the end of the bed, hands in his lap.
He looked so lost and alone that Giovanni didn't know what to do. He crossed to his boyfriend and cupped his face in both hands, only to notice a tear tracing down his cheek. “Talk to me, Darren. What's wrong?” he asked, wondering what had happened and what he could do to fix it. Or at least attempt to fix it. Even just make it a little better.
With a heaving sigh, Darren finally met his gaze and reached one hand up to curl around Giovanni's wrist. “Before you said you wanted to talk, Levi asked me if we were thinking of getting married,” he whispered, in explanation.
He almost flinched back, in surprise. What business was it of Levi's if they had plans to get married or even if they wanted to? Which they didn't. Darren was quite adamant that he didn't want to put any expectations on their relationship and that he didn't see why a piece of paper to certify their relationship was important. Giovanni had agreed, because he really didn't see what the big deal was. Staying together forever was the same commitment whether they were married or not. It didn't validate anything. And they were already legally listed as power of attorney and on medical directives.
“And what did you say?”
“The truth.” Darren shrugged and another tear fell. “I said that neither of us were interested in marriage, that it didn't change how we felt about each other and that we don't need anyone to tell us that our relationship is 'right' or 'valid' or 'allowed',” he explained, speaking a little more passionately than before.
Giovanni nodded, realising why that upset him. “And Levi disagreed?” he guessed.
“He said that marriage was some sort of eclipse, a privilege that people had fought and died for us to have,” he said, with enough bitterness for him to know how that had gone over. “He acted like we were ungrateful bastards, who didn't know a good thing even when it was thrown in our faces. Acted like we were nothing, just because we don't need a fucking piece of paper to tell us that we love each other.”
He kissed him. Not because Darren needed it or because it would make anything better, but becauseheneeded it. He needed to shut Darren up for two seconds, so that he could say his piece. Once his boyfriend was quiet, still crying but silent, Giovanni spoke. “You are one hundred percent right. We talked about this and we're in agreement all the way,” he reassured him, so that Darren understood nothing had changed since they last discussed it. “Levi hasn't got a clue how we feel or what we want. He has no right to even ask if we're interested in marriage, never mind judge us for our choice. But I hate that this hurt you.”
Darren reached up to wipe a few tears away and sniffed.
“I hate that you thought you couldn't talk to me,” Giovanni confessed, the very thought of how quiet and unhappy his boyfriend had been all night weighing on his mind.
“It wasn't that,” he insisted, all big eyes wet with tears and that soft downturn of his lips. “It wasn't that I couldn't talk to you; I didn't want to ruin your night. You were having so much fun and I didn't want to take that away from you.”
“But you were upset,” Giovanni argued, sinking down to his haunches, as his back ached from an unwise spike that had won the game for his team. “I knew that right from the minute I asked to talk to you and I thought it was my fault. I didn't know what was wrong and all I wanted to do was help,” he promised, so that he understood that his night hadn't been all 'fun and games' as he thought. He'd faked it for everyone else's sake, so that no one knew anything was amiss.
Darren sighed and leaned back on his hands. With a few moves, he shuffled back on the bed and lay down, patting the space beside him. Either he could tell how uncomfortable Giovanni was, after the game, or he just needed comfort. Either way, Giovanni was more than willing to follow him.
Rising to his feet, he walked around the bed, kicked off his shoes and leaned over to remove Darren's. Then, once they were footloose and fancy free, he lay on the bed beside him and waited for the inevitable. Darren slid over and escaped into his arms.
“I'll talk to Levi tomorrow,” Giovanni whispered against his forehead. “Cormag, Tam and I basically told him and Mack that they weren't wrong to take so long to get together and made sure they understood that as long as they weren't ready they could have waited forever. So he hasnoright to say that we are wrong for whatwewant. Marriage isn't about being ready, not for us, so his opinion doesn't mean shit.”
With a huff against the crook of his neck, Darren shuffled further into his arms. “I guess I'm just a little more vulnerable today. Because Casen's museum display is all about how far we as a community have come, all that we've fought for and–”
“No.” Giovanni cut him off with a bite. “Look, Casen will be the first to tell you that what “we as a community” have fought for is the right to make ourowndecisions aboutourrelationship. For freedom, more than anything else. Tochoosewhat we want for ourselves and our relationships,” he corrected him, reminding Darren that the most important thing about a sacrifice was what good came from it. “It is as much our right as it is any straight man and woman's right to decide whether we want to get married or if we want to spend our lives together, living in sin,” he clarified, knowing that was something his straight friends had decided for themselves, too. “But, while we're discussing this, I want to tell you something else that's important. No matter what happens with Jean and Jaime, nothing is your fault,” he said, changing the subject just a little.
Holding Darren tight, he prepared to confess. “Between the two of us, you have offered support and encouragement to Jaime. You let him know that he's strong enough to move forward if he wants to or keep his distance if that makes him more comfortable. And, for my part,” he admitted, feeling nervous. “I tried to make sure Jean didn't push too hard. I told him to keep a physical distance but that making himself emotionally available would give Jaime time to feel more comfortable with their relationship.”
“Oh.” Darren lifted his head and grinned at him, biting his bottom lip. “So we've both been meddling?”
Laughing, he nodded and accepted the criticism. “Yes. I've been calling you a meddler and I've been guilty of doing it myself,” he agreed. Giovanni leaned in a pressed a kiss to Darren's lips. “I just need you to know that you're not responsible for anything that happens between them. And you're not responsible for anything thatmighthappen. Jaime is a big boy and he can look after himself. But he won't have to, because he's got both of us and Jean won't hurt him. Ever.”
Nodding, Darren ducked in and kissed him softly. “I know. I just worry too much, I guess.”
“With reason.”
Another nod preceded yet another kiss. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Levi. It's not because I didn't trust you; I just thought I could hide it for a little longer,” he whispered against his lips. “It was stupid. We could have had this talk earlier and I could have joined the game or just have watched you and helped you celebrate. I'm sorry I didn't do that,” he continued, so full of self-recriminations.
“I don't care when you told me, as long as you knew you could. And I don't care that you didn't help me celebrate or that you didn't play with us, unless you wanted to, and for that I'd be sad,” Giovanni argued lightly. “All that matters is you. Howyoufeel and whatyouwant. And I promise that I'll talk to Levi. That shit won't fly here. Could you imagine if Konnor and Grayson weren't engaged and he'd asked them?”
Darren's eyes went wide and he nodded. “That wouldn't have gone down well. Lachlan, for one, would have exploded!” he admitted, realising how wrong it was when he wasn't in the picture.
It was so typically Darren; he cared more about how other people coped with things than how he coped. Whenever it came to his own feelings, he tried to be strong even when he didn't have to be, acting like it was somehow deserved or okay, because he was tough enough to brush it off. It wasn't okay and he wasn't able to brush it off. Even if he pretended he could.
“He would. And I promise not to, when I talk to Levi. But he will leave our talk knowing that he was wrong,” Giovanni promised, stealing another kiss. “I love you and no amount of paper, no law and no person can tell me I don't.”
Darren's smile lit up the entire room, as he pounced and kissed him so hard and so long that he couldn't resist. He kissed back with just as much heat and passion, letting his boyfriend know just how much he loved him.
