Part 4: Mack and Levi
In Too Deep
Chapter 1
It was less than a week to the reunion, where he and Tam, the twins and a bunch of other friends would get together in a cabin, at risk to their sanity. Levi couldn't figure out whose bright idea it was to bring them all together, but he was worried. It was like putting a bunch of dynamite sticks into one pot, lighting a single slow burning fuse and waiting for it to blow up in their faces.
He wasn't sure what would happen, but he knew there was still tension between Casen and his cousin Grayson, for his attempts to keep him from Tam. Though things had worked out in the end, Levi saw the strain it had on Casen and Mack every time Grayson and Konnor came over or hung out with them. It was like every nice word, every non-threatening move while Casen and Tam were together in front of them was a slap in the face, after everything Grayson and Konnor had done to keep them apart.
Not to mention the whole Giovanni and Tam situation, which wasn't likely to be settled anytime soon. It had been two years since Giovanni moved to Italy on a permanent basis, and Levi still saw the lingering effects of his brief relationship with Tam. The nightmares, the tension in his shoulders whenever he saw blood. Those things weren't cured easily.
Though God knew Casen helped as much as he could.
The bigger tension was his own. Levi would be left to share a room with Mack in this cabin that someone had rented, so they could all get together. And it was going to be torture.
It had been years since he first felt the tangles of friendship grow into something more. Years of avoidance, resistance and wishful thinking that it was nothing more than a crush. Years of pouring every second of his concentration into studying, working hard and focusing on others.
For this one week reunion, there would be no hiding. No barriers to protect him.
Just Mack. And the memories of that one night that changed everything. The night Casen faced off Konnor and Grayson in tears and Mack had turned to him for comfort. The night they'd shared a simple hug and he'd discovered that such a small thing could be the catalyst to months of torture and longing.
Not that Mack had noticed; Levi didn't want to lose his friendship, so he kept the distance physical. He limited all direct skin-on-skin contact and made sure to change the subject or leave the room if anything happened that tempted him to lose control of himself.
There was one little problem. He was no longer crushing on Mack; he was madly in love with him.
The more time they had together, especially now that Casen and Tam lived in the cottage, the more he felt his heart betraying him. It was ready and willing to jump ship and hand itself over to Mack with the slightest provocation.
It didn't help that he had hints and signs from Mack to say that a relationship between them might be possible.
Levi snorted to himself, in derision. He couldn't be much more obvious if he'd tried. How Mack didn't know what was going on, and how he'd gotten away without either Casen or Tam confronting him about it, was beyond him. It was a bloody miracle.
But there was that look Mack would give him, sometimes. A look that Levi had convinced himself wasn't really there and didn't really mean what he hoped it meant; that tiny little knowing smile that played on Mack's lips as he stared, that said he knew how Levi felt while he somehow managed to remain as oblivious as ever.
Levi hated his smile. It said so much that he couldn't say back. It spoke of friendship, love, warmth and comfort. It said that Mack was getting far too familiar, because he knew what that look in his eyes meant. He knew that if he lingered too long on Mack's blue eyes then he was likely to drown in them. And there would be no safety net, no life raft, no hand reaching into the water at the last minute.
He'd be sunk. Lost forever.
Levi ran his hands over his face, not sure why he was torturing himself like this on a sodding Monday night that he was spending at a stupid club when he could be at home in bed, wallowing in self-pity.
He sat back, leaning his head against the wall behind him to gaze up at the sky. He turned his thoughts inward, returning to that moment when his hope soared and his heart stopped; when he'd overheard Mack and Casen in the midst of another serious 'twin talk'. He'd known they were talking about him right from the start, but it only mattered when Mack said those all-important words:
“Believe me, relationships have nothing to do with gender, so if this feels right, I'll do something about it.” He leaned forward and bumped his forehead against Casen’s skull. “In my own time.”
Twenty four little hours later, Levi was still waiting for those words to mean something. How much time did he need?
He was an adult; he knew that. He could make the first move himself, but Mack had sounded so uncertain about whether he evenwantedanything to happen between them. He wouldn't make a move on a guy who didn't want him. And, in his heart, Levi knew that was possible. Why wait so long to make a move, on his own time, unless he'd already decided not to? Mack had probably thought it over, realised he could do better and ditched the very idea of a relationship between them.
Levi had wondered just why Tam and Casen had never said anything. And why Mack couldn't love him. He said the words to Casen with such ease. It wasn't even the kind of ease that said he was his twin, so they were ingrained in him. Mack said them with feeling. With real love and humour, real warmth in his voice. After Tam married into the Dashwood family, Mack even toldhimhe loved him. That he was a brilliant brother-in-law, that he loved him for loving Casen. That was real too. That had raw emotion in it.
But Levi never got to hear the words. He never got to hear 'I miss you,', 'I love you', or even the all elusive 'you're my best friend'. He used to hear the last one quite a lot, but now it was gone. The words never left Mack's lips and he wondered if, somewhere in his attempt to put distance between them, he'd succeeded a little too well.
Were they even best friends anymore?
