“So why’d you come here then? Why go to all the trouble of taking over the lair and all the stupid demons in it if you didn’t want the responsibility?”
“Because of my plan. I needed a more secure place to perform my experiments and weather the coming storm. If my spell is successful, the High King of Hell will lose the primary source of his power. The most powerful demons in Hell actually uphold the stability of the realm. When Belial defected, the entire mountain range surrounding his territory sank into a crevasse that appeared in the landscape. Lucifer’s fall will wreak even greater havoc.”
Suyin’s eyes widened, and he could practically see her sharp mind racing as she digested that information. “And why do you think you’ll be safer here?”
“My old lair was perched on a cliff on the edge of theAbysmal Sea. I enjoyed the view, but if there were an earthquake, the entire structure could fall into the waves.”
“What makes this one safer?”
“The tunnels.” His lips curved slightly. “There is a network of tunnels deep in the bedrock beneath this structure, created by gorath larvae. I’ve explored them at length, and I still haven’t managed to map them completely. Even if the entire castle fell, there would always be an escape route underground.”
“I’m guessing I don’t want to know what gorath larvae are.”
“Probably not,” he agreed, thinking of the centipede-like monsters and their slimy, membranous offspring.
“Well, damn,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve thought of everything.”
“I’ve certainly tried.”
When Suyin didn’t continue her interrogation immediately, he took the opportunity to relax further against the sofa and stretch out his legs.Relax.When was the last time he’d allowed himself such an indulgence? He couldn’t even remember.
He shouldn’t be allowing it now, but something about this moment of truce between him and Suyin seemed precious. He was reluctant to end it by returning to his never-ending cycle of work.
Never-ending.That was what it was, wasn’t it?
Even if he survived and all his schemes went according to plan, he would still be locked in his tower, working on some impossible task. Because if he completed this objective, he would just find another, even more difficult one to strive for.
He would do it because if he stopped, if he allowed himself to rest for even one moment, the emptiness would seep in. The lack of purpose would reveal the gaping hole inside his mind that had been steadily growing for centuries.
That abyss scared him most of all. Possibly even more than the vision of his death. At least death would be something outside his control, something he had no choice in. That pit ofemptiness was something else, something he guessed had come from the evolution of his soul.
He knew he had a soul, but he’d never thought much abouthowhe’d gotten it. Gamigin had explained how demons evolved, developing emotional intelligence and moral compasses, and the soul grew with them during that process.
But Murmur didn’t think he had much emotional intelligence—he was pretty cold and lacking empathy—and his sense of right and wrong was warped as well. He didn’t give a fuck about anyone except himself, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. So where had his soul come from?
Maybe the answers lay in the empty pit of darkness in his mind. But he feared that if he gave in and explored it, he might fall into some mire of despair that he’d never climb out of.
If he lost what gave his life meaning now, what would he have?
Reaching over Suyin’s lap, he turned the page of the book and tapped the next section with a claw. “Read this. Tell me when you’re done, and then I’ll explain it.”
“It’s gonna take me a minute,” Suyin replied, already concentrating on the page of text. “You have the worst handwriting I’ve ever seen.”
“The effort it takes to decipher it will ensure you have a higher rate of retention.”
She grumbled something about him making her life difficult, but he didn’t bother listening. Instead, in a rare moment, he dropped his head back onto the sofa cushion behind him and closed his eyes. He felt Suyin glance at him, but he ignored her. As much as he was able, that was. He seemed to always be aware of her and where she was in the room, even when he pretended not to be.
It annoyed him. Where was his simple solitude? Why was he even thinking about this now? He certainly wouldn’t have allowed himself this idle moment before she’d come along.
He had assured her that he wasn’t manipulatable, but they both knew she had done just that, and he didn’t even care anymore.
He hated that he didn’t hate her. He hated that he didn’t mind giving her what she wanted. He hated that she had the power to make him change his mind and bend his rules. He wanted to punish her for it, but then he hated the idea of her hating him again.
She might pretend she still did, but he knew she didn’t. She was curious about him, that much was obvious. She was also hungry for knowledge and willing to overlook almost anything to get it. That was something he could relate to.
They were both using each other to achieve some aim, and that was a relationship he understood. Her motives were similar to his own, and thus, he was able to lower his guard with her in a way he never had with another.
So when his body suddenly felt heavy, he gave into the urge to relax. He didn’t sleep. He just let his mind go blank and the tension in his muscles slacken, while his little witch kept reading at his side.
