But it was a comforting weight. It didn’t feel like shackles or confinement. In fact, the memory of shackles felt distant and far away in the face of so much sensation. How could he focus on an ancient memory when he couldfeelso clearly that it was blankets and not manacles?
That was why he’d been able to fight the panic when he was with Suyin, he realized. Because she had brought him to the present moment. She had made him feel. How could he fixate on the distant, dark past when she was right there with him, bringing his body to life?
He stood. His legs shook beneath his weight, but it was a temporary weakness and it quickly passed. He reached back and wound his hair into a long braid, tying it off with a convenient circular band he found on Suyin’s nightstand. Then he crossed the room and eased open the door. Stoopingunder the frame so his horns didn’t catch, he stepped into the hallway.
Instinct had him turning right, toward the living room, and he found her there. She was curled up on the couch with a blanket draped over her, fast asleep. She’d left him in her bed and come to sleep out here, by herself. Away from him.
He swallowed.
Crossing the room, he perched somewhat awkwardly on the arm of the couch. He didn’t know what he was going to say to her. Everything, he supposed. There was no point holding anything back now.
She awoke gently, her eyes shifting beneath her lids before they blinked open. When she saw him sitting above her, she didn’t startle, but he watched a certain hardness come over her features. She was closing herself off from him.
“You’re awake,” she said.
He nodded. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to begin.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better,” he said. “The hallucinations have passed.”
“Hallucinations?”
He shook his head. There was no need to tell her of the phantom images that had danced at the corners of his sight, making him believe he was trapped in the lowest level of the Nine Rings.
The silence in his head had added to his panic, but sleep had brought clarity. And understanding.
He had died. Which meant that every single soul in his army, bound to his command by an unbreakable bargain, had been set free. His mind was quiet, because for the first time in as long as he could remember, there was no one in his head but himself.
I’m still here, his inner voice whispered.
I’ll deal with you later, he told it.
Suyin shifted backward, away from him, and sat up. She clutched the blankets to her chest like they were a barrier against him.
“Thank you,” he said. “When I … did what I did, I didn’t expect you to—”
“But you left the note. The torn piece of paper.”
He lifted a shoulder. “It was a slim chance. The window was so short as the spell had to be performed before Belial carried out my favor, and I specifically stated that he could not hesitate. It’s a miracle you were able to complete it in time.”
“Belial opened the prison?” she asked.
He nodded and blew out a breath. “My work is complete.”
“The souls are free? My father …?”
“He is free to reunite with your mother, just as you wanted. They’re all free.”
Suyin swallowed thickly and nodded. There was silence as that sank in.
And then he knew it was time for him to face what he had done. “Suyin …”
“Don’t,” she said, stopping him before he could begin. “I can’t—I know why you did what you did, and I know you couldn’t follow through with it, but it still doesn’t change the fact that you betrayed me. And I can’t forgive that.”
He looked down at his hands. All the relief and gratitude he’d felt at his renewed existence faded away like it had never been. What was the point in a second chance if he lost the one thing he’d found worth living for?
“I understand,” he said, because it wasn’t fair to burden her with his expectations. He deserved every bit of her distrust.
