“You always keep everyone at arm’s length. Honestly, it’s exhausting being your friend sometimes. I love you, but it’s true. When I was angry and hateful, we worked because you just let me stew, and you never tried to encourage me to heal. I thought at the time it was because you accepted me for who I was. But now that I’m on the other side of that anger, I kinda wonder if it’s just because you didn’t care.”
It was Suyin’s turn to fall silent and avoid the perceptive green eyes of her friend.
“I didn’t expect you to fix my problems for me,” Iris continued, “and I’m glad you didn’t waste your energy trying. But I was … toxic. And I can’t help but think that the only way to endure that kind of constant anger was to keep me at a distance.”
Suyin glanced back at Iris. “You accuse me of being detached,” she said coolly, “and maybe you’re right. But I’m not the one who has been lying to my closest friend.”
Iris flinched.
“So why don’t you start by answering my questions and then we’ll go from there.”
“You wouldn’t understand,” Iris said in a small voice. “Ican’t.”
“I think you’d be surprised by what I understand.”
“I can’t, Su.” To her credit, Iris’s eyes were sad. “It’s for the safety of the people I love. It’s so important that if not tellingyou means we can’t be friends anymore, then I’ll have to accept that. I’m sorry, but I can’t risk it.”
Suyin took a breath. She was angry, but if she put herself in Iris’s shoes, she understood. Maybe if she told a couple secrets of her own, Iris would be more inclined to open up. And the only way to find that out was to just do it. No more second-guessing.
So she opened her mouth and said, “I wasn’t on vacation. I was in Hell.” She was riding the edge of her vow with Murmur by saying this, but she’d been over their bargain carefully in her head. She’d only agreed not to talk about his work and him, not that she wouldn’t tell anyone she went to Hell or what she’d learned while there.
In one blink, Iris’s features went from apologetic to shocked.
“You wanna explain …?” she ventured when Suyin remained silent.
Suyin took a breath. Part of her was dying to tell Iris whatever she could about the absolute madness she’d lived through for the last month, but she couldn’t help but hesitate.
“If I tell you my secrets, will you tell me yours?”
“I can’t—What secrets do you have? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I am.” Suyin paused, realizing that what she’d just said was completely true. “I actually feel more okay than I have in a long time.”
“Why? What changed?”
“I found out who—whatI am.”
Iris could not have looked any more confused if she tried.
“I know you’ve been lying to me, but I’ve also lied to you.” Suyin folded her hands on the table and stared at them. “About my age. I let you think I was in my thirties and just hated birthdays. But the truth is, I turned fifty this year.”
Iris made a nervous laugh that died quickly at the look on Suyin’s face. “Wait. You’re serious?”
“One hundred percent. I just turned fifty.”
“But … I mean. Wow. You’re aging really well. I mean, not that that matters but—”
“I’m not aging, Iris. At all.”
“What? But—Does that mean you have a special ability like Lily and I?”
“It’s not an ability. It’s just happening.”
“Well, if you’re practicing life-prolonging magic, I don’t see why you’d hide that. Lots of powerful witches do it, and you’re definitely—”
“I haven’t done anything, Iris. The opposite. I’ve been checking the mirror every day for the last ten years, hoping to find a single wrinkle.”
Iris frowned. “So … what did you find out?”
