“Investments. Farm futures. I’m good at it. Some of the guys who ride for the rodeo are into that kind of thing, and when we started doing events, I started talking to them about it. I started taking all the money I had and investing. I have enough now to buy my own ranch. And that’s what I want to do. I don’t want to stay here. I have … I’ve actually put in an offer on a plot of land.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“We don’t talk about that kind of stuff. We just shove it down.”
“Well … that’s how we get by. But a big change like this …”
“Jessie, come on. You know growing up here was … not ideal. It didn’t do either of us any favors. And the only reason I stayed for as long as I did was … to protect my family. You and them. Everything. They can’t survive out in the real world. Can you imagine? If Mom and Dad had to have nine-to-five jobs? If I didn’t make him pay his taxes every year, he wouldn’t. He would forget. They live in another time, or in a made-up place in their heads—I don’t know.”
“Yeah. And we’re their kids. So why should we have to … Never mind.”
“It’s a very good point. We shouldn’t have to. But we have. Always. Some of it’s not their fault. They did the best they could. They did. But some of it …”
“I love them,” Jessie said.
“Me too. A hell of a lot. They’re our parents. And I can’t say that I would trade them. But I also know that I’m not fixing to live my whole life in a carnival.”
“I didn’t realize,” she said. “I mean, I always knew that you didn’t love this. You don’t … You’re not necessarily the kind of person who enjoys all this attention.”
“No,” he agreed.
“But I didn’t realize you were doing it to protect them.”
“I was. And no, I never did as good a job as you did. I couldn’t organize all this stuff. I can’t sit still that long. I can remind Bill to do his taxes, but I sure as hell can’t do them for him. But … I don’tknow. Forgetting things and being disorganized has made me extra careful. It doesn’t seem to have done that to Dad.”
“No. I would say not.”
“Ranching is something I can do. And I’ll be happy doing it. It’s not a desk job, but it’s one that will keep me busy. And I’ll probably continue to invest.”
“I had no idea you did that.”
“It’s like a video game.”
“With real money.”
“Yeah. But there are patterns … You just have to pay attention. And sometimes you have to be ballsy. But I’m good at both.”
Her brother was not always good at paying attention. Unless he was really, really interested in something, and then he could focus on it forever. Apparently, finance focused him.
She wanted to be happy for him. But she just felt … sad, that he hadn’t told her. Weird that things were changing.
Well, she was changing them, honestly. But she wasn’t leaving.
“You don’t have to stay forever,” he said.
“But I’m good at this.”
It came out small and kind of sad.
“Jessie, you’re good at a lot of things. Look at you. You organize this place. You really keep it moving. And on top of that, you’re running for office.”
“I know. But … if I don’t keep everything together for them, then who will?”
“They can hire somebody. When we were kids, we didn’t have any choice but to live here. We didn’t any choice but to participate in all this, but we have a choice now.”
“I didn’t know that you … I mean, when we were kids …”
“I’m older than you. I wasn’t going to complain to you. And yeah, we had a lot of freedom. So there were certain things that it felt silly to complain about. But it was … it just wasn’t our choice.”
