Once I’m sure I’m not going to throw up again, I grab some toilet paper and wipe my mouth. “It’s my fault.”
“It isnotyour fault. You didn’t do anything to those men,” Charlotte insists.
“Here, drink this.” Louie hands me a bottle of water. He looks from his wife to me. “Why would you think this is your fault?”
I can’t tell him. I shake my head as more tears fall down my face.
“Thanks. Can you make me some coffee?” Charlotte asks. “We’re fine in here.”
“You sure?” Louie appears undecided. He doesn’t want to leave his wife with me. I don’t blame him. People have been dropping like flies around me.
“I’m sure. It’s girl stuff,” Charlotte tells him, her voice firmer. He nods once and turns down the hallway.
“I’m sorry, Charlotte. I’m going to pack my things and go home. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have brought my problems to you.” I choke down a sob.
“Nonsense. You are not going anywhere. You are my best friend. Your problems are my problems,” she says.
“You’re supposed to be enjoying the honeymoon stage.”
“Trust me, Louie and I are getting plenty of honeymoon time in.” She waggles her eyebrows up and down. “You think he did this?”
I shrug. “Who else?”
“I don’t know. But I mean, it could be anythingand not even linked to you. How many other girls do you think they’re were?” she asks.
“I have no idea.” I’ve thought about it. Often wondered why no one had come forward. But what can you say if you don’t remember anything that happened? “I’m really sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing again?” Charlotte says.
“Because I’m a mess.” I push myself up and look at my reflection in the mirror. I’m horrified by the woman staring back at me. She’s ugly. Inside and out. “I think I’m just going to have a shower.”
She’s the reason two teenage girls are now dead. She’s the reason three homes were burned down today. This woman isn’t a good person. I’m not even sure why Charlotte hasn’t kicked me out already.
“Evie, look at me.” Charlotte forces me to turn around. She brushes my hair away from my face. Then she wipes her fingers under my eyes. “You are a good person. This is not your fault. You didn’t choose what those men did to you. Just like you didn’t choose what happened to them.”
“I told him. I knew what he was capable of and I told him. I should never have said anything…”
“I disagree. Your telling him freed you from carrying the burden alone, and it proved that what happened to you doesn’t defineyou, Evie. I know you thought you were unlovable, but if the actions of that man aren’t love, then I don’t know what is,” Charlotte says.
Emmanuel has told me that he loves me more than once. I’ve never been able to bring myself to say it back because I’m too scared to let myself. Can I really love someone capable of such brutality? The better question is can I allow myself to love a monster? Because I’m not so sure I don’t already.
“He murdered innocent people, Charlotte,” I mumble.
“One, we don’t know the facts. And two,we don’t know the facts. Did he maybe go a tad overboard? Yes. But I mean, you have met him, right? He’s a little… unhinged at the best of times. But I feel like, when he looks at you, that level reaches all new heights.”
“You didn’t even know we were seeing each other until yesterday.” I roll my eyes. “And now, suddenly, you’re all Team E?”
“So it’sE, huh? I’m TeamEvie. Always. And I saw the way you came to life when you were talking about him yesterday. He’s good for you, hon.”
“He’s a murderer…” I whisper.
“So is my husband? Does that mean I love him less? Or that he loves me less?” Charlotte shakes her head. “No.”
“It’s different,” I tell her.
“How so?”
“Louie isn’t out killing innocent people, is he?” I counter.
