I blinked down at my plate. That was true, wasn’t it? Ididknow exactly what it was like to break ribs and a wrist and recover from a blow to the head. I looked up slowly to lock eyes with Rafe who tilted his head to the side. I glanced at Zach, but he was busy kicking the football back and forth with Ozzie, something definitely not allowed in the house, but something which Martha seemed to be turning a blind eye to.
“Were you there when Dad was arrested?” I asked Rafe.
He gave me one of those careful, assessing looks. A look that told me that he was weighing what he said next with his typical precision.
“I’m not going to answer that, Clara,” he said in a measured tone. I felt a shiver of fear run down my spine but, as if he knew, Rafe’s large hand covered my lower back and rubbed a circle gently there. “I’m not ever going to tolerate you being hurt, darling. Do you understand me? It’s a message I’m willing to deliver in whichever way is most effective.”
“I am arrived!” trilled Poppy from the door to the kitchen, distracting me from my racing thoughts about Rafesending messageson my behalf. The flash of somethingin his eyes when he said that was not the cool, urbane aristocrat persona I knew. Not even close.
“About bloody time,” Rafe grumbled. “We’re cutting it fine as it is, Pops.”
“Oh shut your grumpy cake hole, you big oaf,” she said, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. She skipped over to where Ozzie was dribbling the ball to kiss his head. Not an easy task seeing as he wouldn’t keep still. She smiled a big smile at Zach, who proceeded to blush then miss Ozzie’s pass, causing the ball to crash into the kitchen cupboards for what must have been the hundredth time.
“You’ve still got plenty of time,” Poppy told Rafe as she gave his cheeks a couple of smacks before going up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. “And anyway, Clara’s got to eat her sandwich before you go.” She gave me a big, loud kiss on the cheek and then repositioned my glasses when they went askew.
I sighed. Everyone was so obsessed with me eating. Annoying as it was, I had to admit that I actually did feel better, not that I had drunk any tea or eaten any of my sandwich yet. No, it was the Poppy effect. I’d noticed that about her. She had this way of lightening the atmosphere. It was almost uncanny, as if she could control the mood in any room.
I smiled a small smile at her and looked at Rafe again.
“What are you going to be late for?” I asked.
“We’regoing to Zach’s sixth form open evening,” he returned.
“Oh bugger. I’m so sorry, Zach,” I said in a horrified tone. “I completely forgot.” This numbness that had settled over me was making me forget everything important. The swelling on my face had gone down but the bruising was still evident,as were the headaches and brain fog from the concussion. That combined with the pervasive fear I couldn’t seem to shake was making me sluggish, as if I was only ever half there.
“Cla-Cla, I’m not a baby anymore,” Zach told me. “You don’t have to remind me about everything. You guys don’t even have to come with me. I can navigate a stupid open evening on my own.”
“Of course I’m going to come with you, love,” I said, trying to stop my voice from shaking. This would be the first time leaving the house since I came home from the hospital. The thought made me feel a little ill.
But I knew Zach would hate to go on his own. He had been really worried about his A-level choices, and he absolutely hated interacting with any figures of authority. Zach was so shy that he tended to go into himself and mumble. It was frustrating as I knew he’d struggle with interviews if he carried on like this. But facing sixth form open evening alone, talking to the teachers about which subjects he should take without any backup was well out of Zach’s comfort zone.
“We’d better get a move on, though,” I said. “The school must be a couple of bus rides away from here.” I pushed back my sandwich, about to stand from my stool, but Rafe blocked my way.
“Eat your fucking sandwich,” he said sharply, his patience slipping.
“Daddy!” Ozzie shouted. “Miss Clara will put you on the thunder cloud for bad words!”
“Sorry, mate,” Rafe said, keeping his gaze fixed on me.
“And use your indoor voice with her,” Ozzie continued to boss, and I found myself suppressing a smile.
Rafe looked briefly up at the ceiling before focusingback on me. “Noted,” he threw back to his son. “Eat your sandwich, Clara.Please.”
“That’s better, Daddy.”
“We’ve got plenty of time. Dave will take us. I’m not getting on a bus, Clara. I haven’t used public transport since… Christ, Poppy, have weeverused public transport?”
“I don’t think so, Rafey,” Poppy said as she leaned up on tiptoes to grab the biscuit tin off the top shelf. “Can’t say I’ve ever been tempted. The tube at rush hour maybe, as it’s hellish traffic crossing Piccadilly at that time, but otherwise no.”
“B-but you’re not coming with us,” I whispered.
“Why the hell not?” Rafe said.
I threw my hands up in confusion. “Because it’s a sixth form open evening. Why would you come? Zach’s not your––”
“Goddamn it, Clara,” Rafe snapped, and I flinched. He closed his eyes slowly and clenched his jaw, taking a deep breath in through his mouth and out through his nose. When he spoke again, he deliberately softened his tone. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. But will youpleasestop saying what you and Zach arenot.Youareliving here––”
“For now,” I interrupted. “We’re living herefor now.”
