“I didn’t want you involved.” My voice was weaker now.Iwas weak. “I didn’t want you exposed like that. You’re all I have and…” My throat seized up, and I had to swallow against the tightness there, but when I opened my mouth to speak again, Rafe cut me off.
“They arenotall you have,” he said in that firm, authoritative tone. Even though it hurt to look at him, I still made myself do it. He was frowning at me from across the room. Was he still angry with me about my family? Now that he could see I was going to be okay, were we back to him judging me for shit I couldn’t control? Was he implying that I had my family, so not just Mrs C and Lily? I knew he was angry that I’d lied about that. But I was simply too exhausted to deal with an angry Rafe at that moment, so I turned away from him again to look at Lily.
“Did you go to him?” I whispered. “Y-you shouldn’t have done that. I––”
“I can understand why you’d say that, darling,” Rafe cut me off again, but this time his voice was soft. Darling? What was going on here? “I was a complete bastard at the courthouse.”
I blinked at him. I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t make out the expression on his face. “W-what?”
“I was humiliated when I had to recuse myself. Instead of taking a second to actually think, I pushed you away when you needed my help.” His voice cracked at the end of that sentence and surprise shot through me. He sounded wretched.
“In my defence, despite the fact I pride myself on my high IQ, I simply couldn’t reconcile everything quickly enough. So I will add stupid sod to total bastard.”
“Agreed,” muttered Lily, but Rafe ignored her.
“You were asking me for help in that courthouse corridor, weren’t you, Clara? Not help for your family, but help for you and your brother.”
“My brother?” I said weakly. Rafe knew about Zach?
He moved quickly then, striding over to the side of my bed. When he was close enough, his large hand came up to cup my face gently.
“You were hurt,” he said in a broken whisper. “You were hurt, and I’llneverforgive myself.” To my complete shock, his eyes filled with tears.
I shook my head, my cheek and then hair sliding through his fingers. “I’m not your responsib––”
“Don’t say it,” he cut in, his voice still hoarse. “Please don’t say you’re not mine. I’ve fucked up. I admit that but––”
“I was never yours,” I whispered. “Everything we had was built on secrets and lies. You wouldn’t have gone near me if you knew where I came from. And now this is just pity and guilt. You’re a good man and you feel bad. But I’m not your problem. I––”
“Stop. Talking.” Rafe’s eyes flashed as he leaned into me, his gorgeous face so close now that if I leaned forwardjust an inch, my mouth would be on his. “I don’t know where you’ve got this whole good, self-sacrificing man idea from about me. I’m ruthless, I’m ambitious, I will step over people to get what I want, and I do take what I want. I think you may be under the false impression that I’m a man who would be with a woman out of guilt, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Guilt or no, you’remine,Clara. You were mine before I even laid eyes on you, and you know it.”
I shook my head again, and his jaw clenched as a frustrated expression settled over his features.
“Well, we can sort this out later after you’ve come home and you’ve recovered.”
My eyes flew wide, flinching away from his hand so hard that pain shot through my temple, and I winced.
“Rafe,” Lily said cautiously from behind him. “I think you should step back from her now.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw as he scanned my face, then eventually he dropped his hand and took a step back from the bed, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m not coming home with you,” I whispered.
“Don’t be absurd,” Rafe said dismissively as he stared across at me. “Of course you are. I’ve told Poppy that––”
“Don’t involve Poppy,” I said, my voice rising in horror. Poppy was the most vibrant person I’d ever met, but there was a thread of vulnerability there. This situation would terrify her. I’d done enough damage already.
Rafe’s eyebrows went up. “Of course Poppy’s involved. She cares about you too, Clara.”
I shook my head again, then winced when the sharp pain came back.
“Shit,” Rafe muttered as his face paled. “You need some more analgesia.” He moved forward and pressed the call bell on the side of my bed before I could stop him.
“I’m fine,” I said. “And this is the NHS, you can’t just ring and expect to be…”
“Lord Sterling?” A nurse had appeared in the doorway. “How can I help, sir?”
“Clara needs some analgesia, please. Now.”
