“You want me?” I whispered, and his hand came up to my jaw to turn my head gently towards him so that he could look into my eyes.
“You’re funny. You’re kind. You’re intelligent. You’re beautiful.”
I snorted at the word “beautiful,” and his gaze sharpened.
“You don’t believe you’re beautiful?” he asked, and I broke eye contact to look down at my hands.
“You don’t have to say these things to me, you know?” I said in a small voice. “If you want to carry on with…” I waved my hand vaguely in the air, trying to think of a word for it which wouldn’t make me blush. I settled on, “…stuff, you don’t have to give me any flowery words or tell me what you think I want to hear.” I swallowed nervously. “I really, really enjoyed thestuff,so you don’t have to lie to me.”
“Oh, darling,” he muttered as he rested hisforehead against mine, his hands coming up to cup both sides of my jaw tenderly. “What happened to you?”
“W-w-what do you mean?”
“What happened to make you believe I’m lying?”
I shrugged, and he wrapped his arms around me again to pull me back into his chest. Feeling overwhelmed and exposed, I decided to just give in at that point. I relaxed against his warm, muscular chest and nuzzled into the base of his neck, loving the feel of his stubble against my cheek and breathing in his clean scent edged with expensive aftershave.
“It’s okay,” Rafe said softly. “You don’t have to tell me yet.”
I didn’t understand. Not really. But I also didn’t have the energy to argue.
“Just listen for a minute, okay?” he said, his voice a low rumble in his chest, pleasant and soothing. I nodded. “So, the situation is a little more complicated than we would like. But let me be clear: if anyone has manipulated anyone here, it’s me manipulating you. I am in a position of power. I’m older. I’m your employer. If anyone’s in the wrong, it’s me. But I have to say, Clara, nothing feels wrong about this. In fact, this feels more right than anything I’ve felt for a long while. We don’t have to work out anything now. For now, I just want to hold you.”
“But maybe we should talk about whether––?”
His groan as I attempted to sit up cut off what I was going to say.
“If you wriggle anymore, baby,” he told me in a hoarse voice, “I’ll give in to some more of thosemasculine urgesyou went on about. Just keep still, relax and trust me, okay?”
Trust was a difficult one for me. I trusted Lily and Mrs C. I trusted Zach. But that was aboutit.
I’d made the mistake once of trusting my university boyfriend, who I met whilst I was doing teacher training. Nathan had been a mild-mannered, bespectacled, cardigan-wearing skinny guy. He was gentle, and he was kind. I lost my virginity to him, and I was with him for about three months until he met my family, who apparently “scared the bollocks off” him.
I didn’t blame Nathan. My family scared the bollocks off most people. But I thought we’d meant something to each other, so the disappointment of being ghosted completely with no other explanation was crushing.
Worse even than Nathan was Daniel, who had used me as a stepladder into my father’s crime syndicate, not even realising what an ineffective stepladder I actually was, seeing as I didn’t command the respect of anyone, least of all my father. When he did realise this, Daniel dumped me as quickly as possible. He still worked for Dad, and I saw him occasionally when I had to be at the house. But I never looked directly at him anymore. I never looked directly at any of my father’s men anymore.
I was tired. Really, really tired and completely overwhelmed with the strength of my feelings for Rafe. He was so warm and his arms were so strong around me. So, I thought, why not? I would let myself have this moment. I could pretend that he was mine, that he knew who I was, who Ireallywas and who my family were, and that he didn’t care, that he just wanted me.
I could pretend I was safe.
For now.
Chapter 18
You think about me?
Rafe
“Bloody hell,”I muttered as the pounding on the door started again. To my annoyance, Clara, who had been snuggled into my side like a kitten, sat bolt upright on the sofa. “Ignore it,” I told her, wrapping my arm around her to encourage her to lie back down against me.
“What?” she squeaked, her eyes flying wide as the banging started again. “You can’t just ignore it!”
“Buggering bollocks,” I snapped. “Listen, Icanignore it if I know exactly who it is. It’s nearly midnight on a Saturday night. She can bugger off.”
“B-b-b-but—” she stammered, looking between me and the living room exit. The small slither of fear that entered her expression made my chest tighten with anger. The forgot-her-key-again door banger was scaring Clara. “I’m going to kill her,” I muttered under my breath as I stood from the sofa, lifting Clara with me and then taking her hand to pull her to the front door. After another string of bangs, which had Clara flinching at my side, I typed inthe security code, flipped the lock and yanked open the solid wood all one-handed, keeping Clara’s hand securely in mine.
But then Ihadto let go of Clara’s hand in order to catch the mad whirlwind of blonde hair and sequined dress that flew at me through the front door.
