Vulnerable?
“Clara,” I said slowly, “are you telling me that you thinkyoutook advantage ofme?”
“Oh God, this is really embarrassing,” whispered Clara, her hands going to her cheeks, which were fire-engine red now. “It’s this stupid, stupid crush, you see.” She closed her eyes briefly, then focused back on me. “You might as well know everything. I’ve been watching you. Even before you approached me at the school about Ozzie, I knew who you were. Every Tuesday, I made sure that I was at the classroom window just so that I could...” She broke off,whispering, “Oh, kill me now,” before she continued, “…just so that I could… perv over you, okay? Like some weirdo stalker. I mean, it’s not totally my fault. You can’t really blame me. It’s your whole vibe: the three-piece suit, the coat that billows out behind you when you walk, you know, the long fancy one?”
“My overcoat?” I asked, trying to keep the humour out of my voice. Clara looked devastated, and I didn’t want her to think I was laughing at her. “You watched me because I wore an overcoat?”
“Oh no. I mean… It’s not just the coat. It’s the whole package. You must know the effect you have on women? Your body, your face, those piercing blue eyes. Look, I promise I’m not usually like this. I’m not someone who hangs out of the classroom window and pervs over dads. But I’d done it for so long with you and constructed such elaborate fantasies around you that when I had access to your actual physical body, something just tripped in my brain. There you are, giving me an innocent hug, excited for your son, and I practically climbed you like a tree and wouldn’t let go. I just couldn’t get close enough to you. My monkey brain took over, you know?”
“Your monkey brain,” I repeated slowly, trying really hard to suppress my smile now but not quite managing it.
To be honest, I was having a hard time even remaining in my seat since the moment that Clara mentioned herelaborate fantasies. Every muscle in my body had strung tight as if I was a predator ready to pounce. I could feel my heart beating in my throat, and there was a strange whooshing sensation in my stomach as if I was free-falling. So much blood went south that I almost felt lightheaded. It was a struggle to focus on her next words.
“You see, my crush was bad before, but when I started working for you, it got even worse.”
Clara went on, completely on a roll now. She wasn’t looking at me anymore either, which I didn’t like at all. She was focusing on the ceiling instead. I looked down at her lap to see that her hands were shaking. That was when I started to feel like a bit of a shit. Whilst this was all music to my ears and entertaining in the extreme, it was clearly distressing for Clara, who had got it into her head that she’d crossed some sort of line.
Hertaking advantage ofme?
Was she mad?
Chapter 16
You’ll do as I say
Rafe
“Being herewith you and seeing you up close all the time,” she carried on, rambling now, “it just ramped everything up and…” She broke off and swallowed, her eyes glazing over with humiliated tears. “Well, you won’t believe the… the depraved scenarios I’ve thought up about you. You’ve no idea all the dirty,dirtythings you’ve done to me in my overactive imagination. Even the kitchen, for God’s sake, right there on the granite, which, to be frank, is disgusting from a food hygiene perspective.”
I couldn’t help but let out a short bark of laughter at that point which I managed to disguise as a cough when she shot a glance at me.
“And this office. Oh my God,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ears in another nervous gesture. “Your office and your desk… It’s just all so bloodymasculine. Basically, I’m a total creeper. But don’t worry – I’ll find somewhere else to liveimmediately. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home any longer.” That final statementhad me standing suddenly from my chair, causing her to finally break off her tirade.
Clara wasnotquitting her job, and she wasnotleaving this fucking house.
Not after that little speech. Not after the relentless, tortured thoughts I’d had of her over the last few weeks. There was nowayI was letting Clara go anywhere anytime soon.
She was mine.
This confession made her mine.
The fact that I made her feel safe made her mine.
And I wasn’t giving her up, not for any reason and certainly not because of her weird, guilty conscience about hermonkey brainand how she thought she was some sort of dirty pervert when it came to me.
Her mouth fell open, and she shrank back into the chair as I stalked around my desk to get to her. When I was right in front of her, I leaned back against the desk and crossed my arms over my chest. She looked up at me and bit both of her lips between her teeth in an unsure and completely adorable expression.
“Okay, so tell me, Clara,” I said in a low voice. “What exactly did your dirty, perverted thoughts about my desk involve?” She followed the movement of my hand as I stroked the grain of the wood surface, eyes flying wide as she swallowed nervously.
“I don’t think I should say,” she whispered.
I moved suddenly then, causing her to startle in her seat. I leant over her, one hand on each arm of her chair, my face inches from hers.
“In these dirty, depraved, elaborate fantasies,” I said, my voice now just above a low whisper, “did we ever do anything like this?” I leaned down and brushed her mouthwith mine and she gasped. When I leaned back again, her eyelids had fluttered closed and she was breathing erratically.
“Answer me, Clara,” I said. “Did we do anything like that?” My voice was hoarse but still in control.
“M-m-m-maybe?” Clara stuttered as her eyes opened, her brown, uncertain gaze staring up at me.
