“You’ll be okay,” he said, squeezing him. “We all will.”
Dylan nodded, rubbing his face against August’s pec.
“I know.” He pulled away from the embrace. “But let’s go shower. I haven’t come yet, and you owe me an orgasm. You can pin me against the wall and jerk me off while I suck on your nipples.”
August laughed, amused at Dylan’s clumsy attempt at changing the subject. It still felt wrong to be getting off when Steve was suffering, but if this was what Dylan needed to distract himself, then August wasn’t going to say no.
“Sure.” August reached out and pinched Dylan’s nipple, giving it a tug. “Lead the way. I’m all yours.”
52
STEVE
The sky was overcast, clouds hanging low and heavy in the sky, the weighty gloom promising a new layer of snow by evening.
Steve stared into the flames of his father’s funeral pyre, the flames warding off the cold and making sweat dampen the collar of his shirt. He was holding a toy horse he’d carved when he was nine, the wood smooth and cool underneath his fingers.
It was traditional to offer the deceased something to carry with them to the next life, and Steve had grabbed the horse off the shelf without giving the choice of offering much thought. His father had helped him carve it, and Steve had been so proud when his father praised his workmanship.
He tossed it into the flames.
The wind turned, smoke blowing into his eyes and making them water, but Steve didn’t move. He stood there, feeling like he was watching himself from above as he tried to reconcile the man from his childhood memories with the person who had attacked his omega.
He kept coming up short.
His father had always been volatile – quick to lash out when challenged – but growing up, Steve had always felt safe from that volatile temper. His father had never hurt him or his brothers no matter how violently he exploded, and Steve had never been afraid of him.
Marcus’s furious admonition that if Steve had just let him deal with their dad, he could have gotten him the outcome he wanted with his job and avoided all this trouble, repeated in his brain on a loop.
He twitched at the sensation of Ryker’s hand landing on his back. He blinked away the smoke in his eyes and leaned into the touch.
It felt like everyone was staring at them. Most of the gazes were sympathetic – everyone knew that Steve and his father had just reconciled – but there was also a lot of curiosity directed at Ryker as the new district alpha.
“It’s okay to be sad,” Ryker said, leaning over and placing a kiss on his temple. His voice was low, barely audible over the crackling fire. “No matter how things ended up, he was still your dad.”
Steve grit his teeth. He was sad. He was heartbroken. He was also furious.
“I know,” he mumbled, turning toward Ryker and letting himself be pulled into a hug. He buried his face in Ryker’s shoulder, shuddering as Ryker stroked his back. “I’m so pissed. I wish he was alive so that I could yell at him.”
“It’s not your fault,” Ryker said. It seemed to be his mantra for the occasion. He’d said it at least seven times since they arrived.
“It feels like my fault,” Steve admitted. His defiance had triggered his dad’s spiraling, culminating in Marcus being forced to level up a decade before he was ready to do so and turning his dad into a monster.
“It’s not,” Ryker repeated.
Marcus probably disagreed. The memory of his older brother’s face crumpling in grief when he thought no one was looking was burned into Steve’s memory.
“It’s not,” Ryker repeated, his voice firm. He pulled away, cupping Steve’s face and looking into his eyes. “Nothing you did gave your dad the right to do what he did. His choices are just that. His choices.”
Steve glanced around, checking to see that no one had overheard Ryker’s vehement words, but everyone was giving Steve plenty of space to give his offering in peace.
It made Steve feel like a fraud. He pulled away from Ryker’s embrace and pulled him away from the fire. He caught sight of his brothers, both of whom were looking at him with severe expressions.
Steve winced. He needed to talk to them before he left. He turned to Ryker, “I’ll be right back.”
Ryker saw what had drawn his attention and patted him on the back. “Good luck. I’ll go have a word with Odin and the other district alphas. Come find me when you’re done.”
Steve nodded and they separated, Steve moving away from the crowd and Ryker moving into it.
