“Are you friends with him?” Carter asked, wondering if John might have let something slip about him.
John shrugged, an unhappy look sliding over his face. “I don’t know. We were, I guess. But we had a pretty huge fight and I don’t think we’re going to be working through it any time soon. I haven’t talked to him since.”
Carter was relieved. If John and Luke weren’t on speaking terms, then maybe the coast was clear.
“Don’t…” Carter trailed off, wondering how to say what he wanted to say. “Please don’t tell him about me.”
“I won’t,” John said, his tone vehement. Then he shook his head ruefully. “Not that I could. Luke and I aren’t going to be talking any time soon.”
“Thanks,” Carter said. He trailed his fingers down John’s arm, wondering what Luke would say if he could see him now with his friend. He’d probably be disgusted.
“You didn’t answer my question,” John said, reaching up and closing his hand over Carter’s.
“What question?”
“If you’re driving home tonight. I was just thinking, if you wanted to crash at my place, I wouldn’t—”
“I have an apartment here in the city,” Carter interrupted, cutting John off mid invitation. “I’m here often enough that getting a place made sense. But thanks for the offer.”
“Oh, well. That’s good,” John said, sounding disappointed.
Carter wanted to take John up on his offer—wanted it so much that his whole body was vibrating with it—but he had to be sensible. After tonight he had to stop seeing John. He could practically feel himself falling for the younger man, and it simply couldn’t be allowed to happen.
Once they left the club tonight, Carter would make a clean break of it.
He had to.
“We should get going,” Carter said, making no move to get up.
“Yeah,” John agreed, sinking back into the couch. “I have work tomorrow morning. I’m going to be so tired.”
“Well, let’s go,” Carter said, forcing himself to rise. He reached for his jacket and shrugged it on, looking down at John who still wasn’t making any move to get up. He reached down and grabbed his arm, hauling him up.
“Okay, okay, I’m getting up,” John said, getting his feet under him. He reached for his boots and pulled out his socks, having stuffed them in there for storage earlier, and put them on one by one. He almost fell as he lifted his foot the second time, and Carter reached out to steady him. John then stepped into his boots and grabbed his uniform jacket, shrugging it on an easy and practiced movement.
He looked rumpled and handsome as hell, and Carter couldn’t resist kissing him.
“Ready to go?” Carter asked when he pulled away, the taste of John’s mouth lingering on his tongue. John licked his lips and nodded, eyes never leaving Carter’s mouth. He looked dazed.
“Then let’s go.”
Carter walked with John out of the club, side by side with Carter’ hand never leaving John’s back, the two of them parting at the corner outside the building. Carter had parked his car in the underground lot under the building, while John’s bike was parked in a lot a few minutes walk down the block.
“So I’ll see you?” John asked, rubbing his neck and looking hopeful. Carter nodded, not able to voice the lie out loud.
“Drive safe,” he said instead, clapping John on the shoulder and turning around. He could tell that it hadn’t been the parting John had expected, but Carter didn’t have it in him to kiss the younger man again and then walk away.
He made his way into the parking garage without looking back, climbing behind the wheel of his car and shutting the door. The interior of his car was dead quiet.
The hollow feeling was back in Carter’s chest, bigger than ever, and Carter spent a minute just sitting there. He felt wrung out and tired, and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d just lost something precious.
For the millionth time in his life, Carter closed his eyes and wished that the world wasn’t so fucking unfair.
***
