And honestly? That wasn’t far off.
“We’ll walk through the relationship parameters now,” he said, clicking something open.
Talia’s voice crackled through his phone speaker, sharp and clipped. “I’m here and recording. Don’t let Kieren charm her into signing anything dumb.”
I rolled my eyes. “He hasn’t said a word since his charming introduction.”
“Exactly,” she said. “That’s how they get you.”
Kieren just smirked, annoyingly shirtless and utterly unbothered.
Matt cleared his throat like he’d rather die than participate in this circus, but he pressed on. “To begin—here are the key terms for the ‘relationship agreement.’”
He actually used air quotes.
“Number one: A minimum of two public appearances per week. These include—but are not limited to—fundraisers, charity events, press mixers, and post-game functions.”
“Two a week?” I echoed. “That’s more than most actual relationships.”
Matt didn’t blink. “You’re not most relationships.”
“Not a relationship at all,” I muttered.
“Correct,” he said. “Number two: One coordinated paparazzi shot per month. Coffee runs, game night strolls, pre-game kisses by the players’ tunnel. Keep it natural, but noticeable.”
Kieren snorted. “There’s nothing natural about this.”
Matt ignored him. “Number three: Physical affection is encouraged. Hand-holding, cheek kisses, eye contact. No groping, but believable warmth.”
“Believable warmth,” I repeated, deadpan. “Sounds so romantic.”
“Number four: You are not obligated to form a real relationship,” Matt continued. “But if one develops, it is not prohibited. We simply advise discretion.”
My eyebrow shot up. “So sleeping together isn’t banned, just… optional.”
“Correct,” Matt said without missing a beat.
Talia groaned over the phone. “Don’t sleep with him.”
“Noted,” I said, too fast.
And then regretted it.
Kieren just tilted his head at me, gaze unreadable. But the corner of his mouth twitched. Jerk.
“And finally,” Matt said, adjusting his cufflinks like this was any other Tuesday, “the contract expires at the end of the season unless mutually extended.”
I leaned back. “And break-up clauses?”
Matt looked almost pleased by the question. “Keep it dramatic. Fans love a tragedy. Bonus points for cryptic Instagram captions.”
Talia sighed. “Welcome to dating in the age of branding.”
And just like that, I was fake dating Kieren Walker.
With terms.
And maybe the worst part?
