When the last Latin phrase had rolled from his tongue, Nat flopped onto the bench next to Emma. Close up, his eyes were red-rimmed and glassy, and the shadows under them stretched to his cheekbones. Emma felt a twinge of unease.
“What are those rehearsalsdoingto you? Tolstoy himself wasn’t this tortured.”
Nat rubbed his hands over his face. “This performance is pulling something out of me I didn’t know I had. The whole play’s special, Em. Inspired. But we’re all drained dry by it. Hannah, our director? Came to the last three rehearsals with her shirt inside out. She’s also convinced foxes are following her home at night. Swears they actually wait for her to leave the theatre. Apparently, they’re different from normal foxes. Shinier.”
“Shinier?” Emma coughed. “Oh, wow. So you’re all cracking up, is that it?”
“Pretty much,” Nat said cheerfully. “How’re things with you? Tell me tales of the real world, please.”
“I’m going on another photo outing.”
“With Jasper? That’s going well, then?”
“I don’t know, exactly. When we’re talking, I’m sure how he feels about me. His eyes—and sometimes he’s almost said—but then it’s the end of another trip. And he’s gone and still nothing has happened.”
“Ah, that energy like he’s absolutely, desperately in love with you, but he’s not sure whether he left the oven on at home, so he just has to run off and leave you—under duress, darling, of course.”
“That’s it, exactly. How did you know?”
“Em, I hang around with theatre people. What you’re talkingabout is charm. Tell me, how much do you talk about him, on these trips of yours? And how much do you talk about you?”
“What do you have against him?”
“Nothing. We just met at school.” Nat pushed his dinner around his plate. “Which was not a good time for me.”
“You don’t like him.”
“It’s not that. It’s more the—halo he has. The world rearranges itself around him. He’s never had to step outside that golden circle of being handsome, and lucky, and universally adored. And he doesn’t even realize that’s not what everyone else starts with. He’s happy to assume it’s all because he deserves it. Never a doubt or a challenging thought.”
“You’d be surprised. Jasper is very conflicted. And complicated.” She caught Nat’s sardonic eye, and a giggle she didn’t intend escaped her. “Heis.He just doesn’t spend his entire life questioning himself from his head to his shoelaces.”
“Ihave never questioned my shoelaces,” said Nat, the picture of injured innocence.
“Only because you haven’t thought of it yet,” Emma shot back.
They traded jokes until the dessert plates were empty and the three academics long gone. The dons had been interesting, Emma reflected. She’d have to sort through all they’d said about the flood. The bit about hawthorn trees could be promising. Any imbalance might be worth tracking in her data.
At Nat’s first yawn over the port, she hauled him to his feet. They wove through Gabriel’s shadowed cloister together, and Nat managed a smile. “I miss you. Isn’t that silly, when you’re righthere? You’re just so busy these days. All your new friends. I mean, it’s great, but—”
Emma pulled him into a sideways hug. “Old friends come first. You were right, I did need more people than just you. New friends are fun. But you’re always my favorite. So, how about film night this week? My turn to choose.”
He fixed her with a hawkish stare.
“Emma. Try and pick afilmthis time.”
“Planet Earth isa film. It’s very film-esque, anyway.”
“I don’t have the energy to argue with you. That’s how dire things are.” Nat groaned as they climbed the last step to the bell tower. “Right. My Golden Age playwrights essay is upon me. Though I may skip this one in the name of sleep, and risk Professor Lindman’s wrath tomorrow.”
Emma watched him go unhappily. Nat had never even joked about missing an assignment before. She would have to check in more often, until that glassy look left his eyes.
But by the time she’d rolled into bed, her mind had already slipped back to Jasper. Their photography trips brought him so tantalizingly close. His hands around hers on the viewfinder. His breath on her neck. It was all building to something, she was sure of it.
As if the heat of her thoughts had summoned him, demon-like, from the void, her phone beeped. And the message made her breath catch in her chest.
something special tomorrow.
can’t wait for you to see it. you’ll die.
