It was like the world inside me switched from brightest day to darkest night in one breathless instant. And it was a relief to let the fever take hold of me. Fighting was familiar; fighting was instinct. I was good at it. And when I was fighting, I couldn’t think of anything else. I couldn’t hurt. I couldn’t yearn.
The Warden managed to lift her head and push herself up on shaking arms. Our eyes locked once more. Hers were full of pain; her jaw glistened with blood. On her face was a silent plea:Help me, Mara. Please.
I whirled around with fire in my heart. I would help her. Iwould, and I would bring her safely home. I would bringallof the Roses safely home. If I couldn’t manage that, what good was I to anyone?
If I couldn’t manage that, what had all of this been for?
As I leapt into the fray, I saw no adults, no children. I saw only enemies. And I tore through them all like a knife through thin paper.
Chapter 9
We flew home in blood-soaked silence. As they always did after a battle, my ears buzzed with the echoes of screams and the slowly receding tide of my battle fury. It was a feeling I normally relished. It was the feeling of victory. Another battle fought. Another day survived.
But this time, each beat of my wings brought a cold sickness crashing down upon me. I felt so heavy that I could barely keep myself airborne. The others were quiet too. Our familiars, accompanying us, were silent shadows. Freyda stayed close, right above me and to my left, but I almost wished she wouldn’t. She was too dear to me, and I didn’t deserve her company.
“You did well, Mara,” the Warden said quietly. She was in my arms in her wounded human form, unable to fly. We’d nearly lost her. Three times during the fight, I’d had to put myself between her and a hostile. Each time I’d barely been fast enough to save her.
Remember that, I told myself. Remember that, not the keening cries of the maimed griffin pups before Brigid had put them out of their misery. Not the slain wood nymphs, the granny nymph cut in half right across her gnarled middle.
I shut my eyes against the memories. I couldn’t shake the feelingthat something terrible had been done to me, even though the truth was thatIwas the terrible thing.Ihad slain children.Ihad lacked the courage to stop that madness from unfolding.
“Mara?” The Warden was looking up at me, studying my face. “What’s wrong, child?”
I could hardly stand the sight of her. That she could bring herself to say the wordchildafter what had just happened felt obscene. And yet I loved the weight of her in my feathered arms. So small, so fragile, so unlike her usual fearsome self. And she had askedmeto bear her home. She was lettingmesee her so injured and vulnerable. Such intimacy was a gift.
I swallowed past the painful lump in my throat.
“Did you know?” I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.
“Did I know what?”
Her voice was deceptively mild. She would make me say it.
“Did you know that there were children among the hostiles?” I said. “Did you know that they…”
She waited, her eyes unblinking.
“They weren’t hostile, Madam,” I finally managed to whisper. “They were seeking refuge. No one would have bothered them in Sablemire.”
“Can you be certain of that?”
“I know what I saw.”
“It doesn’t matter what you saw. What matters is your orders.”
“But Madam—”
“Isolate and dispatch. You should need no further explanation than that.”
“But did youknow—”
“Did I know there were children among these hostiles? Did I receive a message from the Sablemire council alerting me to the presence of Olden invaders in their town and requesting asylum on their behalf? Yes, of course I did.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt like I was flying through a bog, each wing stroke a monumental effort.
“Then why order us to exterminate them?” I knew I sounded desperate, that I was treading on dangerous ground, but I couldn’t get hold of my voice.
“Olden children can be as vicious as their parents,” the Warden replied sharply. “You have seen it yourself many times. Olden beings can easily persuade and deceive. The council could have been coerced into sending me that request.”
