She presses her lips into a smile, and I thank her for coming by. As I watch her leave, I worry that I’ve missed my chance at protection. But seeing Annalise laid out on the couch, wires connected to her brain, terrified me.
Not just because she could have been hurt. It terrified me to see so plainly that we’re not human. It terrified me because I don’t understand what we really are. And it’s that unknowing that will keep me from letting myself be vulnerable. To anyone.
15
Marcella returns home just as I get back inside. The girls and I sit down to discuss what Raven found in Annalise’s programming. Annalise is shocked at first, but then she traces one of her scars with her fingertip. Guardian Bose did more than physical damage to us, but the fact remains: HemurderedAnnalise. And now, that truth is once again on her mind.
He destroyed part of her programming. Raven didn’t say which part; maybe she doesn’t even know. But I watch as Annalise stares out the window as if wondering herself.
“Obviously we have to get it rebuilt,” Brynn says. Marcella winces, and Brynn turns to her. “What?” Brynn demands. “We can’t take the chance of something happening to Annalise.”
“Of course not,” Marcella says, patting her leg. “I’m just urging some practicality here. Given time, any of us can learn about our programming systems. We’ll be able to fix ourselves—and each other—with the right tools and guidance.”
“What are you suggesting?” Annalise asks, turning back to the room.
“That we wait a little while longer,” Marcella says. “We wait until we can take care of ourselves. I’ll switch my research to our technology, our systems.” She smiles softly. “We can do it together,” she tells Annalise. “It’ll be our main focus.”
“Shouldn’t the main focus be on the investor?” Sydney asks.
“No,” Marcella says immediately. “Our focus is always on girls. We protect each other.”
Sydney agrees and reaches over to take Annalise’s hand.
“How long do you think it’ll take you to learn?” Brynn asks. “How do we know if Annalise has that much time?”
“Raven didn’t make it seem imminent,” I interject. “I mean, she obviously wanted us to think and discuss it, but it didn’t sound like her system would fail tonight.”
Annalise flinches and I quickly apologize for my casual tone on something so serious.
“No, it’s okay,” Annalise says. “And I think Marcella’s right. I think we try to figure this out on our own. If we don’t, what if something else happens down the line? Being self-sufficient is important. No, it’snecessaryto our survival.”
We all agree, and we help Annalise and Marcella where we can as the afternoon wears on. Unfortunately, we don’t make much immediate progress, but Marcella vows to figure it out soon.
We believe her. But we hope we have enough time to save Annalise.
Brynn sets a plate of dinner rolls on the table and comes to sit down next to Marcella. The light outside has faded into evening, and Sydney clicks on the lamp before taking a seat.
Our first topic of discussion is the shocking development that Raven knows about Winston Weeks. We don’t quite understand what that means, where it places her loyalty. Because if Winston has several labs, why did Raven come to this one? Like Sydney said:convenient.
As for Winston, he explained why he was in this town. He’s searching for the investor too. But there’s no way he places articles online for people like Raven to discover. Unless, of course …
I furrow my brow, stirring the food around in my bowl.
Unless he wastryingto attract people like Raven. If so, why does he want them here? What purpose could she serve him?
I’ll have to talk to Winston again. But this time, I’ll be more prepared.
After a long shower, I head to my room. I rub the towel over my hair and sit on the edge of my bed to think. The lights are on and the door is locked.
I take out my new phone and examine it. The only number in my contacts belongs to Raven. I’ve memorized the girls’ new numbers. It’s better not to a have a list of contacts in my phone, just in case.
I rub my palm along my upper arm, feeling the tender areas where the bruises from our escape have healed on the surface, leaving a dull ache underneath. I long for comfort, but I don’t even know what that would entail. There are parts of me that are ruined. Parts that I wish I could get back.
What did I read once?Ignorance is bliss.For a second, I understand that quote. But then I decide that it’s not bliss. Ignorance is being controlled, held from knowledge that would otherwise dramatically affect you. Was it bliss when the school was controlling everything from what I ate to the thoughts I was allowed to think? No.
But I do have to change something. I’ve been hoping that once the corporation was gone, I’d feel … normal. But realistically, I don’t have a normal setting.
I stare at my phone. The last time I felt “normal” was lying in bed with Jackson immediately after our escape—a rare moment of peace. Everything since then has been running, and plotting, and faking nice with strangers.
