Dr. McKee’s face breaks a little at the mention of “her,” but he nods as if that’s all he wants. Her.
And then Dr. Tom McKee closes his eyes and dies quietly in the back room of the Adjustment office.
CHAPTER NINE
I FOLLOW THE AMBULANCE TOthe hospital—I’m not even sure why. I guess I feel responsible, even though Dr. McKee’s heart attack wasn’t my fault. Nathan left with Melody. He wasn’t happy about it, but she begged to talk to him. He told me he’d find me later and that I should be careful. I’m not sure what could happen in the hospital, but who knows anymore. Like Dr. McKee said, The Program never left. We were never safe.
Dr. McKee didn’t regain consciousness, and although they tried to revive him at the Adjustment office, they couldn’t. Marie didn’t look at me once while the EMTs were working on him, not even when I asked if she was okay. She was lost in her head, and it makes me wonder about her and Dr. McKee’s relationship. It didn’t seem romantic—more like... family. A closeness that could only come from unabashed loyalty and care. It makes me suddenly sorry for her. She’ll be all alone now.
I text my grandparents to let them know what happened with Dr. McKee, but I don’t mention what he told me yet. His explanation doesn’t quite make sense in my head.
Something feels off. Wrong.
I need to talk to Marie for clarification, but now isn’t the time. I’ll let her grieve. I understand how controlling grief can be, and unlike her and Dr. McKee, I won’t take advantage of that pain.
As I sit in the hospital waiting room, I’m reminded of the other times I’ve sat here, worried about Wes. I was hoping I’d never have to be in this hospital again, and yet here I am.
The sliding doors open, and I’m relieved to see Nathan walk in. He looks awful, drawn and tired. He drops down into the chair next to me. When he turns to me, my soul aches. Nathan with a broken heart is too much for me to take. I reach for him and pull him into a hug, and it nearly kills me as he silently cries into my shoulder.
Nathan tells me that he already filled in Foster on the fact that he and Jana/Melody have broken up and that she has been working for the Adjustment. As Nathan relayed it, Foster’s response was: “Well, fuck her. I knew it.”
Nathan promises to tell me what Melody said to him after they left the office, but first he wants to head home.
As we drive back to our houses in my Jeep, I’m torn on how to feel about Dr. McKee’s death. I didn’t want him to die, obviously. But I also think about Vanessa, how the Adjustment contributed to her death. How it nearly killed Wes. How Dr. McKee has spent his life manipulating others. It doesn’t justify him dying—I’m not a monster. But it does add an extra layer of emotions.
“She used me,” Nathan says under his breath. It’s dark outside, and I glance over at him and see he’s still the same brand of sad he brought with him to the hospital.
“Nathan,” I say, but he shakes his head and looks out the passenger window.
“She used me,” he repeats. “She was a fucking spy, and I was stupid for not seeing it sooner. I put us all in danger.” He turns to me, miserable. “I putyouin danger. I welcomed her into our lives, and I even made you be friends with her.”
“You didn’t make me do anything.”
“You did it for me,” he says, and he’s not wrong. Jana and I were never completely on the same page, but I gave it a shot because he’s my best friend.
“And that’s not all,” Nathan says. “She wasn’t just a handler. I was right to be uncomfortable the other day. The woman she lives with is not her mother. Jana—” He stops and closes his eyes. “Melodywas assigned to her as... a closer, she called it. She was...” Nathan doesn’t seem to want to go on, and I reach over and put my hand on his leg.
“She was impersonating Jana Simms,” Nathan says quietly. “A girl who died last year. Melody took over her life, originally at the mom’s request—some twisted kind of therapy. But lately, she and her ‘mother’ had been arguing. I guess the mother had gotten her closure, and wanted Melody to move on. But Melody hadn’t finished her assignment.”
Nathan looks at me. “That’s you. Her assignment.” The words seem to make him sick, but I don’t want his apology. Nathan hasn’t hurt me. Melody did.
“So what does she do now?” I ask. I take a left onto our street and continue toward the light of my front porch.
“She’s pretty tore up,” Nathan says. “She actually cared for Dr. McKee. She’s done with the Adjustment—I can tell that much. She hinted she might leave town soon. But I’m not sure she has anywhere else to go.”
“If it matters,” I say, “I think she really did care about you.” I pull into my driveway and turn off the engine of the Jeep. I look across the car, and Nathan meets my eyes.
“It doesn’t matter,” he says simply.
He gets out of the car, and I watch him from the driver’s seat as he crosses the driveway toward his house and disappears inside.
•••
Over a late dinner of reheated food, my grandparents ask what I was doing at the Adjustment office. My grandmother flinches when I tell her that Dr. McKee died in front of me, but she adds nothing other than to say it’s a tragedy. It’s especially unsettling given the fact that Dr. McKee told me they were close. Given the fact that she and my grandfather offered me up to this experiment more than once. And yet, my grandmother sits there showing only quiet concern.
I tell my grandparents about Jana really being Melody. I lie and say Nathan and I were there to find her, afraid she was getting an Adjustment. But it turned out she worked for them. I try to gauge my grandparents’ reactions—my heightened sense for bullshit ready to find any discrepancies.
But either my grandparents didn’t know, or their lying skills are expert level now. My grandmother frets about Nathan and wonders if she should call his mother. But it’s late, and I agree to invite him over for dinner tomorrow.
