I pick up my coffee, blow on it, and take a sip. “Doesn’t that suck?” I ask, trying to lighten the moment as my tears fade.
“It’s... it’s super shitty—I’m not going to lie.”
I sniff a laugh and set my cup down. “It doesn’t really matter what I do,” I add. “Wes doesn’t remember me, so it was stupid for me to assume he would just love me again.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid to assume that,” Realm says, and drinks his coffee. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
I study him a moment, noting he’s smart, attractive. Noting how lonely he seems. “Do you have a girlfriend?” I ask.
“I have an ex that I’m fond of,” he offers.
I laugh. “Oh, hey. Me too.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Dallas was the better part of me,” he adds. “Or at least she used to be when we were together. She’s exploring the world now—traveling with her friend Cas.”
“You miss her,” I say.
“I do.”
“Is she the love of your life?”
Realm sits thoughtfully for a moment, and then he shakes his head. “No,” he says. “Because she always deserved better than me. Most people do.”
It’s such a miserable thing to say. I’m not sure if he’s being self-deprecating or truly feels that low, but his sadness is overwhelming. He hunches down slightly, his thin shoulders jutting out through his T-shirt.
I don’t believe for an instant that what he said is true. We all make mistakes, but it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved.
However, the realness of him right now cuts me. Worries me in a way I don’t quite understand. He coughs again, turning away, and I examine him more closely. He doesn’t look well—deeply exhausted. It makes me wonder what type of problems he loses sleep over. I don’t want him to dwell on his anguish, though, so I bring the topic back to the really messed-up shit.
“How do you know Dr. Warren?” I ask. Realm’s dark eyes flick up to me immediately. He studies me before answering.
“From The Program,” he says in a low voice. “And she’s treated several of my friends.”
“Why are you hiding from her?” I ask. To this he smiles.
“Because she’ll never give up. Dr. Warren doesn’t let things go. And for the past year, she’s been trying to find me. Not going to happen.”
“Why does she want to find you?” I ask.
“Several reasons, I’m sure. But the main one? Sloane Barstow. She burned up Dr. Warren pretty good.”
My mouth falls open. This time, I’m the one who leans closer. “You know her?” I ask. “You know Sloane Barstow?”
“And James Murphy—yes.” He glances around at the empty tables before taking a big, steadying breath, like this was a long story. “I met Sloane in The Program. Met James after. He’s the kind of guy you love to hate, if only he were hateable.”
There’s affection in his voice, and it draws me to his story. “Why did you want to hate him?” I ask.
Realm glances down at his coffee and lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “Because I was in love with Sloane.”
“Oh...”
“I know,” he says, interpreting my reaction. “Sloane and James forever. Still, I thought I had a chance. But they love each other a maddening amount. Sickening to watch, really.”
“And you don’t hate James?” I ask.
“He’s my best friend.”
“Okay... that’s got to be awkward.”
