He’s at my ear. “Don’t fight it. It’ll destroy you.”
“It’s destroying me anyway!” There’s another painful turn, this time at my side, and I scream.
I’m compelled to leave. My body feels like it’s on fire and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to stop myself from going. I still have so many questions. But I can’t stay. The Need won’t let me.
I straighten up as best I can and back away. I feel like a puppet, only instead of strings, I’m guided by ribbons of heat that tear through my flesh. There’s a file set in the plastic basket on the back of the door and I have to reach for it.
Monroe says nothing as I yank the folder out and flip it open, the pages blurring in front of me. I’m pushing through the papers, waiting for something to come into focus. And then it does. It’s the name of a pharmacy. Dell’s Drugs. Dell’s is just a block or two away, and all at once I know that someone is there waiting for me. Waiting right now.
My feelings fade but I don’t move. I don’t want to go. “What happens if I don’t fulfill the Need?” I ask without turning around.
“You must. It’s your destiny.”
“What happens if I don’t?” I ask again louder.
“Then the light will be lost. The people you’re meant to save will lose hope because they won’t feel that love. That acceptance.”
I laugh bitterly, the cruelty of it too much. “So I just have to sacrifice myself? Dissolve?” My hand clasps the doorknob. My body is pulling me out the door, but I have to hear him out. I want him to tell me I don’t have to go.
Monroe walks over and hugs me, resting his cheek on the top of my head. But I don’t squeeze back. Instead I feel the binding of his journal in his coat pocket.
“It’s truly beautiful,” he whispers. “A burst of bright light like nothing you can imagine. It’ll fill the world with a moment of unconditional love. Everyone you’ve touched will have peace.”
“And then I’m gone?” I slowly snake my fingers into his outside pocket and wrap them around the leather-bound pages. It feels like old skin.
“Released back into the universe,” he murmurs. “Sent home.”
“Well,” I say to him, sliding the journal under my sweater before backing up. I meet his eyes. “I think that destiny sucks.”
Without waiting for a reply, I slip out of the exam room and through the white-floored lobby. I’ll find a way to beat this. But right now I have somewhere else I need to be.
