“Smile!” Kendra yells from the crowd. She and Marcel have made a big deal out of all of this. They’re treating it more like a sporting event than a graduation. I half expect them to be waving around one of those giant foam fingers.
I look out with an embarrassed smile, waiting for the flash of her camera. I can’t hurry off the stage fast enough, hating to be the center of attention. When I get back to my seat, the folding chair is cold even through my graduation gown.
I lean to the side. “You look really sweet in that hat,” I say to Cameron. His blond hair pokes out as he regards me with a mocking stare.
“Thanks, Sutton,” he says. “And that was a pretty nice smile you flashed up there. Can’t wait to frame it.”
I laugh. “Shut up.”
Cameron pats my leg and motions to the audience. “By the way,” he says quietly, “little man looked real good back there.”
“Yeah” I say. “He did. Oh, by the way, Kathy asked if I’d come over for dinner this weekend. I told her you’d come too.”
He turns to me, realizing the gravity of the request. “She did?” he asks. I nod, and he smiles to himself. “Cool. Yeah, I’ll go. I’ll be all charming and shit. Can’t wait to hang out with Evan. I’ve got a new handshake I want to teach him.”
I smile, staring at the gymnasium floor. “He’ll like that,” I say.
My father doesn’t come to the ceremony. I thought I wouldn’t care, but I do. In a way, I wish he’d shown up sober. But this is reality. And in reality, he’s probably home, drinking and hating me. But mostly hating himself.
I’m doing my best to accept that he’ll never be my dad again. Accept that my mother’s gone forever. I pretend it doesn’t hurt most days, but it does. But I’ve finally learned to stop blaming myself. The past few months have shown me that I have to let go to live. It isn’t my fault that I couldn’t make a normal family for Evan. I shouldn’t have had to.
Cameron leans in and whispers in my ear. “Congratulations, Savannah.”
I close my eyes, his breath so warm and comforting. “You know how I feel, right?” I say, turning to him. “I don’t have to say it or anything, do I?”
“Nope,” he says, putting his arm around me. “You don’t have to say it.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
Cameron pulls me closer to him, his lips against my temple. “But if you want to tell me anyway, you can.”
“You’re so needy.”
“Tell me.” I pull back and look over, loving how he continues to watch the stage and not me. He taps his finger against his cheek.
I can’t help it. I lean over and kiss him, completely helpless but in a different way. “I love you.” I say it so quietly, there’s no way he could have heard me.
“So obsessed with me,” he says.
I laugh, and his eyes glance into mine, happy, satisfied.
“I love you, too, Savannah,” he says. “And now I think we should take that road trip. Explore the world being all lovey-dovey and shit.”
“No.”
“Please.”
“Absolutely not.”
He waits. Then, “We’ll leave next weekend.”
“Sounds good.”
He squeezes me, laughing in my hair. “We’ll stop at Disney and get Evan some mouse ears.”
“He’ll love those.”
