When the sound is gone, I open my eyes. They’re sticky with tears, and when my vision clears, I see Evan.
He’s still there, where I’d told him to stay. Only he’s slumped over, his hands covering his face, sobbing quietly. The front of his pants is drenched in urine, his body shaking uncontrollably. He deserves someone better than me. I can’t even protect him from Patrick.
Evan deserves so much better.
I hold my arm close to my body as I shuffle over and kneel in front of Evan. I’m trembling, sick to my stomach.
“Evan,” I whisper, touching his hair with my good hand. My body is trying to go into the calm I need to comfort him, but I’m struggling. I’m scared.
Evan’s cries are soft, not like the meltdowns. This is something different. This is so much worse.
“Evan,” I say again, hearing the catch in my voice. I can’t lift him with my arm like this. “Get up,” I say, strengthening my voice. “I need to leave now, Evan. Get up.”
He shakes his head slowly from side to side, refusing to look at me.
“I need Cameron,” I say, and it surprises me. But I swallow it down, and I say it again. “We need to get Cameron, Evan.”
I don’t know where else to go. I can’t take him to Kathy like this. She’d never let me see him again. I straighten up, and wince as my arm accidentally bumps the wall.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
“That’s not nice, Savannah,” Evan mumbles behind his hands.
Relief washes over me. “Buddy?” I ask. “I need you to help me. My hand got hurt and I need to go to the doctor.”
“I want Cameron,” he says in a low voice.
So do I. “Okay. Let’s go get him. But you need to walk. I can’t carry you.”
And finally my brother slowly stands, keeping his face covered except for a little spot where his hands are open for him to peek through.
I start to walk, waiting for him to tag along. I’m in so much pain and I need help. The front of Evan’s corduroys has turned dark where he peed them, but we have to walk through the mall to get to the truck. If I can get us to the truck, we’ll be okay.
It takes a long time, but when we finally get into the parking lot, I gulp in the cool air, trying to dull my pain. Trying to forget about the aching between my legs where that bastard touched me.
It’s hard to open the heavy truck door with my left hand, but I manage it. Evan climbs into the cab, and when I hoist myself in after him, pain explodes across my arm. I moan and pull the door shut. When I straighten, I catch my reflection in the rearview.
The side of my mouth is bleeding. There’s a small cut on my lip where I hit the wall, and my left eye has begun to swell. I stare at myself, hating my reflection. Hating that I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off. Hating that I wasn’t smart enough. Fresh tears spring from my eyes, and around me, the truck reeks of urine.
I fucked up. I fucked everything up.
Evan sniffles and I look over at him as he stares out the window. I want to reach for him but my wrist is broken.
“I love you, Evan,” I say instead.
“I love you, too, Savannah,” he says so quietly it breaks my heart.
As best as I can manage, I start the truck and, using my left hand, slowly drive us toward Cameron’s house.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
When I pull upto Cameron’s house, his car is in the driveway, and I’m so grateful. I can’t think right now; I can’t figure out where else to go. I need help.
Evan lies listlessly across the seat and I can’t lift him. I cut the truck engine, jump out, and run to the front door. I press the doorbell repeatedly.
The door swings open, and Kendra slaps her hand over her mouth when she sees me.
“Savannah?” she says, reaching out to me. I shrink away and keep my arm in front of me.
