“No,” I say. “My mom doesn’t live here.”
“Where does she live?”
My eyes sting, and I twitch my nose to keep from crying. “I don’t know.”
Cameron’s silent for a second. Then, “What happened?”
I want to glare at him and tell him to fuck off, but I can’t. Instead I feel darkness sweep over me, suffocate me, and it’s hard to breathe. He’s making me deal with things I want to avoid. He’s making me dig in to the pain.
“One day I woke up and she was gone,” I say, my voice low. “The car was gone. Clothes. Rent money. She took all of it.”
“But she didn’t take you,” Cameron says like it’s the most tragic thing he’s ever heard. “Why did she leave?”
“I don’t know. Maybe my dad. Maybe Evan. Me. Take your pick.”
“It wasn’t you.”
I want to believe that. I want to believe that my mother loves me. That she just got overwhelmed but now hates herself for leaving. I used to believe that she could still come home. But she never did. And now it’s too late to forgive her.
“She left me,” I say. “She left Evan. We still needed her and she didn’t care. I don’t know if she ever did.”
“I’m sorry,” Cameron whispers.
“Me too.”
“How long has it been?”
“Two years.”
“That long?” I can hear the edge in Cameron’s voice and I like it. I like that he can be angry for me. “How could she just abandon you guys?”
“It’s so hard,” I say, staring straight ahead and hating to admit it. “With Evan, it’s really hard sometimes. There are days when I don’t know what to do, and on those days, I want to run away like she did. I want to disappear.” I stop. I need to shut my mouth; leaving isn’t an option. “Never mind.”
“What about your dad?”
“What about him?” I ask. “He started drinking after Evan was born. And then once my mom left, he got worse, kept losing his jobs. He was never Father of the Year or anything, but he wasn’t always like this. We weren’t always like this.”
“And now?”
“Now? Now I can’t stand him. He wants to give my brother away. His own son, and he wants to give him to my aunt Kathy to raise. But he can’t. Evan’s mine, too.”
“Why would he do that?” Cameron asks.
“He says he can’t handle it, but I’m the one who does it all. I do everything. And I’ll keep doing it because Evan’s my brother. I love him.” I look at Cameron, wanting him to know me. Wanting him to know what he’s getting into. “Evan is all I have.”
I push my hair back from my face and watch Cameron. The way his eyebrows pull together in concern. Like he cares about me.
“I sometimes think that if my mom would have stayed, Evan would be better,” I say. “That he’d be okay. I hate her for that. I hate her for doing that to him.”
“I’m sorry,” Cameron says. He reaches to swipe his thumb across my cheek, letting it rest on my jaw as he holds my face. I’m crying. Damn. I’m crying in front of him. He leans toward me.
I turn away and look out the window. He was going to kiss me. I almost let him kiss me. I shouldn’t have told him about my family. He isn’t supposed to know things like this. I can’t do this.
“Hey,” Cameron whispers, but I don’t look. “If your mom had a coffeepot, I’d piss in it for you.”
I laugh, turning to him. “You would?”
“Absolutely.”
