“Hey,” Cameron calls. “If you’re interested, I know about a kickass pool party this weekend.”
I turn, walking backward so I can face him. “I’ll think about it,” I say.
“Have a good night, Sutton.”
“You too.”
When I get inside my house, I lean back against the door and close my eyes. Sure, Cameron called me interesting, but he doesn’t know me or my life. He’s never seen Evan melt down or my father scream. And I won’t let him. I’ll never let him see that part of me. I bring my hand to my chest, remembering what it felt like when he touched me. And wishing I stayed in his car just a little longer.
“Where were you?” The sound of my father’s voice startles me, and I look over to find him in the living room, the curtains drawn and glow of the TV painting his silhouette. I know Evan’s not home because he would have run to me the minute the door opened.
“I was out,” I say, and quickly straighten my back, ready to ignore him.
“Savannah,” he says, but this time there’s a question in his voice, like he wants to talk to me. Panic immediately begins to crawl up my throat.
“What?” I ask, stopping at the entrance of the room. “It’s none of your business where I was.”
“I’m your father.”
“Sure, whatever that means.”
The image on the TV switches, bathing him in a blue light. He doesn’t look well. I have a pang of sympathy before I remind myself of what a shitty human being he is.
“I spoke to a lawyer today,” he says quietly. My heart dips, and I clutch onto the wall where I’m leaning. “Kathy paid for a family attorney. They have a good case for custody.”
It shocks me, the fact that my aunt would go that far. “But you told them no, right?” I ask.
“I told them I needed to think about it.”
“What’s there to think about?” I walk into the room and stop in front of him. “You don’t just give away your children.”
“You know it’s not that simple.”
“It can be,” I say. I stare him down, wishing I was the one with a lawyer, wishing I could be the one fighting to keep Evan to myself. I’m the person who loves him most. I’d do anything for him. Our father can’t say the same thing.
“You tell them no, Dad,” I say, turning my back on him and starting toward my room. “You fight for your son or I swear to God”—I pause at my bedroom door—“I’ll never forgive you.”
And with that I walk into my room, my fear suffocating me. A lawyer. Kathy has crossed the line this time. I was stupid to let her have an extra day with Evan. Now I know better.
I pause against my door, looking around my room. My mind turns back to Cameron—how normal I felt today with him, even if it was totally weird. And in a way, I want to go to his stupid party this weekend. I’ve never been in an indoor pool before.
Desperate for a distraction, I rush over to my dresser and search for my bathing suit. When I find it, I hold it up, trying to decide if it will even fit anymore. But as I examine the faded red fabric, the fantasy comes to a screeching halt. I toss my bathing suit on top of my dresser and swing around to look at my bedroom with its old furniture and worn sheets. I sit on my bed and look down at my mismatched socks, scared to imagine that things can get better.
***
Evan’s in a good mood when Kathy arrives to drop him off. I wait for him on the porch, giving him a big hug the moment I see him. He tells me he doesn’t have any cavities, which I take complete credit for. I’m the one who makes him brush his teeth every night.
Kathy gets out of her minivan, and my chest wells up with anger at the sight of her. I force a smile and look down at Evan. He holds up a small plastic bag with a new toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.
“You should go show Daddy what you got from the dentist,” I say. “He’ll be impressed to hear how great it went. I’ll meet you there in a second.” Evan nods and rushes inside the house, excited to have brought home a gift bag from the dental hygienist. His happiness is almost enough to thaw me out, but when I see Kathy climbing the porch steps, I freeze solid.
“A lawyer?” I snap. “You got a fucking lawyer, Kathy?”
Her lips pucker in disapproval of my language, but she’s better at keeping her temper than I am. “She’s Evan’s lawyer,” Kathy says. “She wants what’s best for him.”
I scoff. “Oh, yeah. Sure. And you happen to be the one paying her bill so I wonder who she thinks is best. This is low,” I tell her, taking a step forward. I expect her to back up, but she doesn’t. She holds my gaze steady.
“I just want him to have a good home,” she says.
