“That’s adorable,” Kendra says.
I watch Cameron, comforted by him—comforted that he asked for my brother’s name. It feels like he’s the only person in the world who understands, but really, I know he doesn’t. How could he?
I drop my eyes to my plate, suddenly missing Evan, and feeling guilty for eating this nice food without him. “He’s with our aunt Kathy,” I say, although no one asked. “She takes him a few days a week.”
The room is quiet and heavy. I’m no longer hungry. I want Kathy to bring Evan home so that I can hug him. He’s a tough responsibility, but he’s mine. I’m empty without him.
Suddenly, Cameron laughs like he just thought of something. I look up at him, and when I do, he grins and turns to his mother.
“Savannah was wondering about our pool,” he says. “And we decided that I should have a pool party.”
My mouth drops open, but Kendra chuckles as if she knows Cameron is (mostly) joking.
“Really?” Marcel asks. “Then I should thank you, Savannah. Cameron hasn’t used the pool in months. It’s a great idea.”
My eyes are wide. “But I didn’t—”
“I’ll have one on Saturday,” Cameron interrupts. “Soon enough?” He’s trying to be cute, which he is, but right now it’s not enough. Talking about Evan has reminded me of my life. My limitations.
I don’t respond, looking down at my noodles instead. There’s no way I can come to Cameron’s party. I don’t know what sort of people will be there, or what they’ll think of me. Especially if some of them are from Langston Prep. I’ll just be another “scholarship kid” to them.
“I’ll order the food,” Kendra says happily. She and Marcel begin to make plans, talking about a caterer.
Cameron’s foot bumps mine under the table and subtly rests there. I look up at him just as he puts a forkful of rice in his mouth. Neither of us acknowledges that we’re touching. My heart beats a little faster, and I go back to eating my food.
***
After dinner I see that it’s nearly six and ask Cameron to drive me home. I say good-bye to his parents, thanking them again for dinner. Kendra seems sad to see me go. Cameron grabs my shoes for me, and I still can’t believe how comfortable he is with me around his family. Other than Retha’s, I’ve never really gotten along with parents.
It’s not raining, so Cameron gets the full view of my neighborhood. I twist my hands around the strap of my backpack resting at my feet. I’m embarrassed, especially after seeing where he lives. Right now my ramshackle white house looks more like an abandoned building. I hate going home.
My father’s car is in the driveway, and I glance at the clock, worried that Evan got home before me. But it’s not quite six.
“Thanks for the all-day feasting,” I say, looking over at Cameron.
“No problem,” he says. “Thanks for letting me pretend I have friends.”
“Yeah, about that. Do you really not have friends?”
He furrows his brow. “Do you think I don’t have any friends?”
“I don’t know. I mean . . . just answer the question. Do you?”
“Of course I do. I’m not a fucking loser. I just don’t have any friends at Brooks. At least until now.”
“I’m sure you wouldn’t have had a problem finding more.” I don’t like that idea, but I know it’s true—with his looks, his money, Cameron could be with anybody.
“I doubt they’d be as interesting as you,” he says.
“You’re sort of interesting too,” I murmur. “For a troublemaker.”
He smiles and rests his head back on his seat. “You sure you have to go in?” he asks. “We can just sit here for a while. Talk.”
My body tingles for his quiet voice in my ear. If things were different, ifIwere different, I’d stay with him. Even leave with him. But I can’t. “Thanks, again,” I say, and pull on the door handle.
His hand grazes mine on the seat as I get out, maybe reaching for me, maybe accidentally. But I slam the door and jog up the driveway, trying to catch my breath.
On my way to the house, I hear his window roll down.
