My father sets his can on the counter and scratches his head. His reddish brown hair has gotten long. It looks dirty, unwashed. “I don’t want to go,” he says after a pause.
“Well?” I ask. “Then I need money to shop with.”
He sighs, annoyed. Like I’m the problem. Like everything is my fault. Or Evan’s. My dad pulls his wallet from the back pocket of his grease-stained jeans and opens the billfold. He gives me forty dollars. I forget to thank him, and walk out to call for a ride.
***
I’m relieved the minute I get out of my house and into Travis’s car. The smell of his car is more familiar than the scent of my own house. More comfortable, too. I’m beginning to have trouble remembering what my father was like before he was a drunk. Before my mother left us. When I’m with my friends, we don’t have to talk about it because they get it.
“Hey,” Retha says, looking back at me from the front seat. “I have to go to the mall first, and then we’ll go to the grocery store.”
“Come on,” I whine. “I hate the mall.”
“Don’t care.” Retha adjusts the radio, turning it up loud enough to drown out my voice. I reach between the seats to turn it down and appeal to Travis.
“Don’t do this to me,” I tell him.
He shakes his head. “Sorry, Savvy. I’ve already been outvoted.”
“Technically, that’s not possible,” I say.
“It is with Retha. Besides, I’m just the driver. I’ll meet up with you later. I hate the mall.”
“Bastard.”
He chuckles.
Mall shopping sucks, especially without money. I’m not sure what Travis had to barter to get out of this, but he drops us off at the entrance. I follow Retha into the mall and she drags me to five different stores where I wait for her to try on clothes. It’s basically hell.
When I was in middle school I used to hang out at the mall. My family never had extra money, but we had enough to get by. My father was at least working steadily then. My friends and I would eat pizza and watch cute boys. It was so superficial and stupid. I pause, realizing that I can’t even remember what it felt like then, free from responsibility. So much has changed.
Retha grabs the sleeve of my hoodie and yanks me forward. “Hurry up,” she says. “Travis is meeting us in the food court in like ten minutes, and I want to go to Old Navy.”
“I can’t,” I say, untangling my shirt from her grasp. “You’re killing me. Why don’t you go get the jeans, and I’ll wait with Travis?” I nod like this is the best idea in the world.
She stops dead and turns to me. “You know I need you to tell me how my ass looks. How am I supposed to get jeans without a second ass opinion? Mirrors lie.”
“Oh, please. You know you look fantastic in everything you wear. Now, meet me in front of Subway.”
“You suck,” she says. “Tell Travis to get me a turkey sub.” She turns away and starts down the hall.
I make my way toward the bright lights and overwhelming smells of the food court. Subway is the only decent restaurant left. The pizza place shut down, and the Wok Shop lets their food sit out from open to close.
I scan the large area and find a ton of empty tables, but no Travis. I locate a spot near the fountain that’s out of the way but not out of sight, so he and Retha will be able to find me.
I sit and fold my hands on the table. My stomach growls with hunger. I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and that was a half-crushed cupcake that Retha gave me.
Hopefully Travis will buy me dinner. I don’t have any money to spend; I never do. All I have is the cash for groceries and that’s for Evan.
I glance around the food court and watch as people feed their kids french fries, toss away nearly full plates of food, or try to use chopsticks unsuccessfully.
Within minutes I’m bored out of my mind and I’m starting to stress about Travis. Whenever he’s late, it’s either because he fell asleep or he got high. He better be asleep.
“Hey,Slutton,” a voice calls loudly.
My heart seizes, and a mix of humiliation and anger crawls over my skin. I keep my head down, but I have to give my ex-boyfriend credit for coming up withSlutton. I didn’t think he was that clever.
“Hey,” he says louder, as if the problem is that I didn’t hear him the first time. Several people turn to stare. A mother looks concerned. Aw, hell. I turn around.
