“I’ll take wine,” I said, offering a polite smile.
“What have you got that can handle that steep drive I just drove?” Meredith chimed in, grinning.
He handed me a glass and turned to Meredith. “You must be Meredith. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. Jasper’s been in the kitchen all morning—do you cook?”
Meredith laughed. “Not too much, I’m here to eat and pretend I helped.”
“Brilliant,” Lucas replied with a grin. “That’s the spirit.”
Jasper soon appeared; his quiet demeanor paired with charm that made him seem naturally composed. He greeted us briefly, but his attention quickly shifted to Meredith. They exchanged smiles, and before I knew it, the two of them had disappeared into the kitchen.
Lucas stayed close by, engaging me in light conversation, but I found myself distracted. No matter how kind he was, I couldn’t shake the sense that I didn’t belong here.
“Lovely view, isn’t it?” Lucas said, gesturing toward the massive windows overlooking Laguna Beach. “It’s what sold me on the place, really. Quite something, don’t you think?”
“It’s beautiful,” I said, my voice distant.
He turned to me, his expression softening. “You’re beautiful,” he said quietly.
The words hung in the air, but they didn’t land the way he intended. Instead of flattery, they felt heavy, like a weight pressing against the ache already in my chest.
“Dinner’s ready,” Jasper called from the kitchen, his voice breaking the moment.
We sat down at the beautifully set table. The food smelled incredible—roasted turkey, a variety of colorful vegetables, and our half-assed attempt at apple pie. It was perfect, but all I could think about was how much I wished I weren’t here.
Lucas sat across from me, raising his glass for a toast. “To good company and good food,” he said, his gaze lingering on me for a moment longer than I was comfortable with.
I clinked my glass halfheartedly, plastering on a polite smile.
The conversation flowed easily between Meredith, Jasper and Lucas, while I chimed in now and then with a quietuh-huhormm-hmm. The wine was good, the food even better. But none of it touched that part of me I wanted to feel stirred.
And I couldn’t help but notice who always managed to stir it.
I missed James and Bebe, too. Maybe that was part of it. I felt unanchored, like I’d drifted too far from myself.
Lucas was lovely, thoughtful, attentive, everything he was supposed to be. But I still felt like an observer at this dinner. Like I was smiling on cue, nodding along, and still waiting for it to feel real.
Across the table, Meredith had everyone laughing. I was glad she was having fun, but I couldn’t stop my gut from feeling complete guilt for being here.
Lucas tried to draw me into the conversation a few times, but I barely noticed. By the time the plates were cleared, I was ready to disappear.
I excused myself from the table and wandered back into the living room, drawn once again to the massive windows overlooking the city. My thoughts churned relentlessly, circling back to Will, to the silence between us, to the way my heart tugged painfully in his direction even when he wasn’t here.
Lucas joined me moments later, holding two glasses of wine. “For the lady,” he said, handing me one with a small smile.
“Thanks,” I said, accepting it but not drinking.
“You’ve been quiet tonight,” he said, leaning casually against the window frame. “I hope it’s not the company.”
I forced a small laugh, trying to keep the mood light. “No, of course not. It’s just been a long week. I’m not used to being apart from my children.”
He studied me for a moment, his expression softening. “Well, I hope tonight helped distract you, even a little.”
Before I could respond, Meredith came out to the living room. “Nat, can I talk to you for a second?”
Grateful for the escape, Lucas excused himself and slipped into the kitchen.
“What’s going on?” she asked quietly.
