“Yep. Barely had any tonight.”
“This goes off in thirty, okay?”
“Got it,” he replied, his fingers still flying across the buttons.
Madison’s door was cracked open, and I peeked inside. She was sitting at her desk, headphones on, focused on what looked like homework.
“Hey, Maddie,” I said, tapping lightly on the doorframe.
She sighed and pulled her headphones down. “Yes, Dad?”
“Just wanted to say goodnight. Don’t stay up too late.”
“Okay,” she said, her tone clipped.
I hesitated for a second, hoping she might say something more. When she didn’t, I nodded and quietly closed her door.
Back downstairs, I sat in the living room, the house silent except for the light sound of the dishwasher. My phone sat on the coffee table in front of me, and I stared at it like it held the answer to everything.
Part of me wanted to call Natalie, to tell her everything, about Madison, about how I felt, about how badly I wanted this to work. I wanted to ask if she was okay, if she’d made it through the day without feeling as overwhelmed as she had earlier. But I couldn’t. Not yet.
Instead, I picked up the phone and typed out a message.
Will: Can we talk?
My finger hovered over the send button for a long moment. Then, with a sigh, I hit delete.
Some things couldn’t be fixed with a text message.
CHAPTER 23
A TASTE OF DISTANCE
NATALIE
This week was already slipping through my fingers, and it was only Tuesday, I had a lot to get in. With Thanksgiving looming. I was hyper-aware of how little time I had left with James and Bebe before they went with Jason for a full week.
That night, after dinner, James was sprawled out on the floor, his trucks scattered around him in a precise line only he understood. Bebe was at the table, her head bowed over her coloring book, tongue poking out in concentration as she carefully filled the lines with bright yellows and greens.
“Mom, do you think this needs glitter?” Bebe asked, holding up her page, a smiling unicorn surrounded by a rainbow.
I laughed, leaning against the counter as I watched them. “Sure, why not? Let’s get the glitter,” I replied, even though I’d regret saying yes, the moment I found pieces of it stuck to my light hardwood floors for months, maybe even decades.
But I was in that mode where I said yes to everything, knowing I’d miss them next week when the house would be too quiet again.
Thank goodness Meredith is coming.
Thinking about them being gone shook me up more than I wanted to admit. I was the one who ended things with Jason. The one who decided to split up our family and walk away. And while I kept telling myself it was for the best, there were still moments—like now—when I questioned everything.
They were going to spend Thanksgiving with Jason, not me. And even though I knew that was fair, part of me couldn’t help but feel like it was my penance for stepping outside our marriage and for breaking what we had, even if it had already started to crack.
Later that night, I tucked the kids into bed, clinging to the routine more than I wanted to admit.
James was first, already yawning as I pulled the blanket up to his chin.
“Mom,” he said sleepily, “do we have to go to Dad’s for Thanksgiving?”
I brushed a hand through his hair. “You’ll have so much fun on Thanksgiving with Daddy, Bebe, Nona and Papa.”
