I realize now how much emphasis I put on curating perfection. The perfect husband, the perfect house, the perfect kids, myself, all lined up like proof that I was doing everything right.
Maybe that’s why I’m so careful now. Why the idea of becoming a stepmom makes something inside me tighten. Because I know what it’s like to grow up with one.
I know what it’s like to live with a woman who doesn’t love you. Who keeps you at a polite distance. Who smiles for company but never lets you in. Who sees you as someone to manage, not someone to love.
And the thing that scares me most?
No matter how much I love Will, or how hard I try, somewhere along the way, I worry I will unknowingly become her.
The next day I decided I needed to call Meredith. She always had a way of helping me see things more clearly, especially when it came to messy family dynamics.
“Hello, hello,” Meredith said cheerily when she answered. I could hear faint music in the background.
“Hey, are you busy?” I asked.
“Sort of. It’s lunchtime, but I’m around models, so you know the drill, no eating in front of them. Shoot, what’s going on?”
“Well, a lot. I’ll give you the highlights now, and we can talk more later.”
“Okay, let’s hear it.”
“For starters, I’m working with a hot British guy named Lucas. He asked me out on a date.”
“Ooh, I like it already,” Meredith said.
“I also had sex with Will. Twice. Yesterday. And he still has that girlfriend.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah,” I said with a nervous laugh.
Meredith sighed. “I’m going to call you the second I get off. I need time to digest all of this.”
“Okay. But in the meantime, I think I might be a slut.”
“Natalie, stop,” she said. “You’re just living out what you should have done in your twenties. Sex is better in your thirties anyway. I’m loving this version of you.”
I laughed despite myself. “We’ll talk later?”
“Absolutely. I’ll call you in a couple of hours. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
After we hung up, I went to my office to get some work done. I needed to focus. The bakery meeting was tomorrow, and I wanted the space to feel cohesive and inviting. I started brainstorming ideas, pulling together palettes of soft neutral tones and imagining the display shelves lined with high-end baked goods.
Halfway through the process, I decided to email Lucas back.
Re: Subject: Project Details
Hi Lucas,
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Are you and Jasper available tomorrow afternoon to meet at the restaurant?
Let me know what works for you.
Natalie
PS: I would love to go to dinner with you Friday.
