“Yeah?” I hold his gaze when I lean in even closer, his warm breath brushing my skin. My gaze flits to his lips for only a moment, remembering the way they felt pressed against mine. I wish I could kiss him again. “Is that why you never sent those letters?”
Cole’s nostrils flare while the icy blue of his eyes darkens with a violent storm. The muscles in his biceps and chest strain against the fabric of his shirt while he sucks in a sharp breath, trying to keep himself in check. I caught him off guard. “You know about the letters?”
I’ve done it now. Shattered the thin window of delusion standing between us, the one that kept us safely in the friend zone. I don’t feel bad. Last night put enough cracks into that window for us to know it would burst.
I hold his gaze.“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Cole knows exactly what I meant as he says, “Because I know you, Noelle. I know my life in the NHL would keep me away from you for far too long, that it would trigger all kinds of trauma inside that beautiful mind. Hurting you is the last thingI want—I’d rather stay unhappy forever than have even a shot at hurting you. I almost did it, though. Once. In a stupid, pain-hazed moment. I had it all figured out—I’d write a really good letter, get bouquets and chocolates and everything you like, and I’d confess no matter how broken I was. But when I moved back here to do it…”
When he moved back to Sleighbell Springs I was already in a relationship, trying to get over him.
I shake my head. “Any one of those letters would have been enough to get me to see you—seeus—forwhat this really is. You could have still told me.”
“You were with him. You were in love. Who am I to get in the way of that?” Cole’s eyes soften when he cups my cheek in the palm of his hand, his warmth almost intoxicating. “I spent so many nights dreaming of holding you like this, spent years waiting for you to see me as more than a friend. I would have waited forever if I had to. When it comes to you, I can’t be selfish. I’d do anything to make you happy, even let you go.”
I swallow hard against the stabbing lump in my throat. Everything I have ever wanted lies at my fingertips, but I’m too scared to get burned. I’m too scared to lose him.
“Cole, I…” I shake my head, trying to fight against the tears burning in my eyes. “I can’t lose you.”
“You’re not losing me, Honey. Ever. You can’t—you’re the beat in my heart, the blood in my veins. You’re part of me, so I will always be with you.” His thumb strokes gently along my cheekbone, wiping at the tears that fall. “I know you’re scared we won’t work out, because that’s all you’ve ever known. But I’m telling you, we won’t be like them. We will have the happily ever after you read about in your books. If you’re not there yet, that’s okay. Nothing has to be decided right now, or anytime soon. I’ll wait as long as you need. Because this, what we have…it’s worth waiting for.”
His face is blurry when I look through my tears, that magnetic pull between us stronger than I’ve ever felt it.
All my life I thought love was real for only a few lucky souls, that the rest of us were doomed to meaningless flings and star-crossed relationships. But Cole is right. What we have beats anything I have ever felt, anything I’ve seen in other couples. It’s overwhelming and all-encompassing and it’s real, so fucking real.
My words are swallowed by my racing thoughts. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings, not in the way he is without knowing. But there is one thing I can do, something that can come close enough to speaking the words that evade me now.
Last night, I told him not to fuck me if it didn’t mean anything to him. Now it’s my turn to prove it.
I lay my hand over his beating heart, steady and all mine, and drag it up to his neck. When I pull him down for a kiss Cole seems to read my mind, wasting no time as he plucks me off my seat and into his arms, taking the stairs two at a time.
He gently drops me on the bed, his clothes off within seconds along with my pants before he plants his palms on either side of my head.
His lips work the skin on my neck, his heavy breathing speaking to his arousal. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want—” I gasp when his hand dips under my hoodie to tease my nipple. “—to taste you.”
“Fuck,” Cole groans. “You’re killing me, Honey. I don’t think I could last in your pretty mouth.”
I grin, feeling his struggle in the pulsing cock pressed against my panties. “I don’t care if you come the second you touch my tongue. I just want to make you feel good.”
“You always make me feel good,” Cole says.
I shrug. “Indulge me. Let me show you how I feel.”
He climbs off me with a nod to stand at the foot of the bed, my body immediately mourning the loss. But his eyes, steadfast and determined, send a new flush of arousal to my core.
“Get on your knees.”
I lick my lips when I slide off the bed to fall at his knees. His long, hard length is mere inches from my face now, and it looks so much bigger than it did last night. I swallow at the sight. I don’t think I can take him.
“Open your mouth.”
My stomach tightens, but I don’t hesitate. Cole slowly pushes past my lips with a loud groan, and I look up to find his lids shuttering with pleasure.
I was right—I can’t take him, not all of him. Tears crowd my eyes as I struggle to breathe and I pull away, replacing my mouth by my hand and licking the underside of his shaft all the way to his glistening tip to compensate.
“You feel so good, Honey. Don’t stop.”
