I have no claim to her. I know that.
And yet she is mine, and mine alone.
My whole body relaxes when I notice her passed out on the couch, her favorite book splayed out on her chest. Maybe I did fuck her right last night, if she’s still tired now. I set the bags down on the wooden floorboards before letting the front door fall shut with a softclick.
“Cole. You’re here.”
Idiot!Why do I have to be so fucking loud even when I’m trying not to? I should have set those bags down somewhere she can’t hear. Maybe then she could have slept a little longer.
I turn to face her, her hair wild from sleeping, palms rubbing her eyes. A smile pulls at my lips and I let it. We might only have the weekend, but I will bet my life I will make it count. “Yeah, Honey. I’m here. I promised it, didn’t I?”
She smiles, sending a flutter through my chest. Those warm brown eyes rake over me, taking in the ice and snow stuck to my clothes, the crease between her eyebrows growing with every second. She jumps over the back of the couch and heads straight for the stairs, meeting my gaze only briefly. “Shake off that snow you yeti! And stay here.”
My smile grows wider as her footsteps disappear up the stairs, the harsh cold on my skin noticeable only now that she’s gone. I don’t bother hanging up my clothes for drying when I shed every soaked layer but my underwear—I know she’s seen me, but I don’t want to scare her off by being so forward. I’m lucky she’s acting like herself again, the weirdness of this morning gone. I shouldn’t push my luck.
The shivering is worse now that I’m practically naked. I rush to the fireplace before dropping myself onto the rug, trying to get as close to the heat of the flames as I can. It’s a damn miracle noneof my fingers and toes show any sign of frostbite, but I know I’m not out of the woods for hypothermia yet.
“You should have called ahead for me to lay out dry clothes,” Noelle says as she darts over to where I sit on the rug. Her cheeks tinge a soft shade of pink when she notices I’m almost naked, and she quickly tears her eyes away, pretending it’s something she shouldn’t see.
I grin at the sight, and like I can’t help myself I say, “Don’t say you don’t enjoy the view.”
“Well…” her cheeks are crimson now, but her smile gives her away when she wraps a blanket around my shoulders, and another over my legs. A bundle of clothes lands on the couch behind me, ready for when I’m dry.
Noelle moves to sit down next to me but I pull her into my lap, needing to feel her warmth. I’m cold, so cold, but having her in my arms reminds me that I’m okay. She gives me no choice but to be.
Her sweet breath tickles my skin, her face mere inches from mine. I could stare at it all day and never get bored. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I’ll always fight my way home to you.” I cup her cheek in the palm of my hand, running my thumb along her cheekbone. She’s so beautiful it hurts. “Don’t forget it.”
A moment passes in thrilling silence as my words hang in the air between us. For a moment I think she might acknowledge them, but the elephant in the room is too big to give her the space to do it.
“The bags by the door…my apartment is wrecked, isn’t it?” Noelle asks, her voice quiet, like it’s taking everything she has to say them out loud.
I weigh my words. I don’t want her to go in blind when the storm dies down, but I don’t want her to panic, either. “The storm tore down most of your roof. I got your most importantitems and documents out, as well as your clothes, but it’s going to be a long time before you can go back to living there.”
“So that’s it, then? I’m homeless.” Noelle stares into the fire, her face unreadable. It’s exactly what I wanted to avoid.
This is her nightmare, the exact thing she has tried to avoid all her life. Her mother hasn’t had a place of her own in years, and even when Noelle lived with her things were touch and go most of the time. That stress and uncertainty, along with the quiet abuse she refuses to speak about, cut deep in Noelle, who had to be the parent in their relationship since she was a small kid. To end up homeless by something out of her control…I can’t imagine what must be going through her mind right now.
I hook my index finger underneath her chin, pulling her gaze back to meet mine. “No, you’re not. You’re staying right here, with me, for as long as you want.”
Please say forever.
“I can’t,” she says. Her voice breaks. “You know I can’t. I can’t let myself depend on you like that.”
I know this, and I hate it. Still, she’s never admitted it out loud before, and I think it might be good for her to do it. So even though it kills me, I have to see this through. “Why not?”
“In a few months, when you’re all healed up, you will go back to your fancy Vancouver life while I will be here, like I’ve always been. Unable to depend on anyone but myself. And that’s fine—it’s all I’ve known. But if I allow myself to lean on you like that, to be that vulnerable…I can’t lose you, Cole.” There is no wobble in her voice, her mask unbroken. But it’s her eyes, red and glistening with tears, that break her mask control. “Besides, rebuilding is going to take months, if not longer. You don’t want me here forever.”
Is that what she thinks? That I’m itching to kick her out, only offering because she’s my friend?
If it were up to me she would never leave. She’d stay right here, in my arms, for the rest of time.
“What if I do? What if that’s all I want?” I rest my forehead against hers, those warm brown eyes warming me up better than the fire. “What if the mere thought of you leaving makes me want to cry?”
Noelle shakes her head, a sad, almost pitying smile on her lips. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do,” I say, I want to pull her closer, cradle her face, make her come until she’s convinced I’m telling the truth. But her brain doesn’t work that way. “My home is yours, Noelle. Always has. Always will be. Without you…it’s just a house. A big, quiet, empty house that only reminds me you're not here with me.”
