It is a shame that I barely get to eat. When I was young my mother dragged me to a great many boring Michelin restaurants, and Nora’s cooking is better than anything they served. I should treasure this meal, savor every bite. But I’m not sure if I can keep it down.
Bill and Nora, visibly thrilled their kids are home for the holidays, do not let a single beat of silence fall the entire meal. I listen intently as Alissa talks about her classes, upcomingexpositions, and projects she’s working on—who knew she was the person responsible for putting a host of crickets in the administrative building?—but it isn’t until the focus shifts to Alexis that I really get into the conversation. I just love hearing her talk. Really, she could be reading an IKEA catalog and I wouldn’t object. Depending on the day, I might even get off on it.
She brushes off their questions, however, and I’m not sure why. There is no mention of her stress, no mention of Hudson or the contest or anything other thanclasses are fine.I thought she was much, much closer to her parents, but if she’s not even letting them in…it’s not my place.
Nora notices her silence, though, as she doubles down on her efforts to talk with her daughter. “How did the two of you meet? I don’t think I’ve heard the story.”
Alexis’s cheeks turn bright red as she stammers, “Well, uhm…”
“We actually met right before Christmas freshman year,” I say, smiling as Alexis gives my thigh a grateful squeeze under the table. “Levi here sent a puck flying straight into my head, and before I could yell at him about it I heard this laugh–clear and happy and melodic. I followed the sound only to find Alexis sitting in the stands with a book, laughing at me. I don’t think she remembers that day, but I do. It was then that I knew I was a goner. It took her a few years to even notice me, but I would have waited eons more as long as it ended with her hand in mine.”
Alexis moves her hand up my thigh as she curls up into my side. I brush a kiss to the top of her head, ignoring the quizzical look Levi shoots our way. I’d set out to try and convince him of my intentions with Alexis, but honestly, there are much better uses of my time. Like trying to get this boner down before this dinner gets more awkward.
“That’s so romantic!” Nora sighs. “Isn’t it romantic, Bill?”
He mumbles something noncommittal before turning to Levi, clearly still getting used to me being here. It’s fine, though. Winning their trust and approval will take time. The fact that they haven’t kicked me out or flat out ignored me is more than I could have hoped for.
I turn focus back on my food as Levi and his dad talk, making an effort to smile and nod as Levi talks about his classes and experiences as captain of the hockey team, not realizing this sets them up to talk to me until it’s too late.
“Our Alexis tells me you want to go into the NHL like Levi,” Bill says, staring at me with the same intense eyes he passed on to his kids. “Do you think you’re ready for that kind of commitment?”
I sit up straighter. “Very much so, sir. But while I love hockey, I no longer think the NHL is the right path for me.”
Alexis goes still at my side like she hadn’t expected me to pivot from my plan to go pro, despite me telling her so that night under the stars.
I take her hand, lacing her fingers in mine as I dodge Levi’s resentful look. “You see, your daughter is a wonderful teacher, even when she’s not trying to be. Among other things, she’s taught me that I deserve to live for myself. But more importantly, she’s taught me that it’s never too late to change.”
Alexis squeezes my hand, grounding me in the here and now. “I’m not proud of my past, and there are things I’ll be dealing with for a while yet, but the moment I first saw Alexis I knew I had to better myself to someday be deserving of her. I used to tell people that my major was a random pick, fearing they would hold such a nerdy topic against me, but I really enjoy history. I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming a teacher myself. A hockey coach, perhaps, if the itch to play sticks around. But I don’t think that pursuing hockey full-time would be fulfilling to me in the long run.”
I have spent a long time with these thoughts, yet the words sound bizarre coming from my lips. Maybe because I spent a few hours perusing the online Thesaurus so I would not look like a complete idiot in front of Alexis’s parents, or because I’m still sifting through what is truly me and what is my mother’s influence. It doesn’t matter, though; it is the truth, and I feel lighter admitting it out loud.
Looking around the table, it is clear that no one saw my answer coming. Levi is staring at me still, but his gaze is more confused than angry now. Nora and Alissa say nothing as they glance at each other, and Alexis’s grip on my hand is so strong I no longer feel my fingers.
After what feels like a lifetime of silence, Bill leans back in his chair, his broad arms crossed over his chest as looks at me. “That sounds like an awfully rational and mature decision. One I admit I did not see coming from someone your age.”
“Thank you, sir,” I say, and before I can stop myself my eyes find Alexis and that lovely silver-blue I fell in love with. “But I can’t take too much credit. I have a great influence.”
My heart flutters as she leans in to kiss my cheek. “That makes two of us.”
Chapter 28
Alexis
After dinner,my parents reveal they have made plans for the night, leaving us home alone. It has become a Christmas Eve tradition, them going out for drinks and a movie, giving us the space and freedom to host a small party and reconnect with old friends.
And so, a few texts and a bonfire later, I sit in Blake’s lap by a roaring fire, watching as the people I grew up with move around the garden like nothing has changed at all. Though for me, nothing is the same.
A year ago to the day, I sat alone in my room overlooking the garden, like an outsider looking in on a world she no longer belonged to. I had just been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and the Hudson issue was still fresh, making it so it felt like not a single part of the old me remained.
I was still in the throes of grief over my old life, the old me. I had no idea that a few months later I would be set up with Blake, no idea that it was possible for me to come alive again.
I’d been right—the old me was dead and gone and now finally buried. But the new me is so much better.
A too-familiar head of black curls moves through the crowd, slipping through the sea of plants and trees and bodies with ease. Levi sits opposite us, his back turned to her. Yet he senses her the moment she steps through the gate between our houses, jumping to his feet to look for her. A moment passes in heavy silence, the world moving almost in slow motion, and then they are wrapped in each other’s arms, my brother’s face buried in the crook of her neck.
“Who is that?” Blake whispers in my ear, and it’s so unexpected that a shiver runs down my spine.
I lean deeper into his chest to allow him a better view—okay, also to steal his warmth. The snow might not be plenty, but it sure is cold as balls. “Charlotte. Lottie. She’s my best friend aside from Alissa. She and Levi have this on-and-off kind of thing that is actually always on because they can’t stay away from each other. I guarantee you, they will be making out within the hour.”
