The worst part might be how her parenting is still affecting me. I latch on to anyone offering even a sliver of warmth, believing they’re my friend when they’re not. Eric, Levi, half the guys on the team. Not Raf, though; he is the one true friend I have, if only because he’s assured me he is without prompting.
Even the girls I took to my bed were nothing more than sexy placeholders, ways to feel the approval I’ve never been given, lapping up the scraps of love thrown my way. But lying next to them the nights were just as cold and lonely, like the warmth could never quite reach me.
That isn’t to say it was all bad back then. Most of the staff stuck around for the majority of my childhood, and our housekeeper, Maria, practically raised me to the point of me calling her Mom for a while. I’ve been dropping the ball on calling her these past few months, I admit. Out of shame, mostly; I know I’m not the man she knows I can be, the man she raised me to become. I’m getting closer to being him, I know I am. But is it enough?
I should call her, make sure she’s okay. Tell her how much I miss her. Then again, any hint of disappointment from herwould crush me. Either way, she has a family, kids of her own. I should probably wait until after Christmas.
They are already putting those damn trees up across campus, the radio blasting Christmas songs at full volume. Right now, most of the students are preparing to go back home and spend the holidays with their families. But for me, Christmas means a big, empty house and frozen pizza. No fanfare, no gifts, no warmth. Just me, myself and I, and Lucky. That’s something, I guess, though I have no doubt it will be just as depressing as any other year.
More, even, as I won’t be seeing Alexis for two weeks. You know you’re down bad when the thought of something so small makes you want to cry.
I jump as Raf bangs his fists against the plexiglass barrier between us. “Get off your lazy ass, Taylor. You gonna help us beat them or what?”
I rise, and with a smirk I dive in for the attack.
Chapter 26
Alexis
When I wake up,the other side of the bed is cold.
Not surprising, seeing as it’s been absolutely freezing these past few weeks, and the old buildings on campus are poorly insulated. But when you’re expecting the warm embrace of your lover, it’s a disappointing way of waking nonetheless.
I drag myself out of bed, snatching Blake’s hoodie off the floor to keep warm as I roam the halls looking for him. The top floors are mostly bedrooms, and the bathroom is empty, so I know he’s in the kitchen even before I hear his voice.
Neither he nor Rafael spots me as they sit at the table in the corner, the beat-up wood dwarfed by their size. I’m about to greet them when I hear the latter say my name, and I duck behind the wall to listen in. What can I say? I’m nosy. People never say what they think of you to your face, after all. And on the off chance that Blake is playing me…I’d rather I know.
“Are you bringing Alexis home for Christmas?”
“There’s nothing left for me to go home to,” Blake says with an indifferent tone. How he can be so cavalier about a statement so sad is beyond me. “I’d ask her to go on a trip with me so I’m not alone in this place, but she and her family are big onChristmas traditions. I’m not making her choose between them and me, you know—especially not with Levi between us.”
Oh. That’s actually really sweet.
“Wait, so you’re not going with her, either? Not even for a quick visit?” asks Rafael. “I figured you’d be leaving here together one way or the other, seeing as you’re basically joined at the hip these days.”
“If only I were that lucky,” Blake says, and a warm feeling spreads through my chest at the sound. In all my planning I hadn’t considered coming home with me was something he’d want; my other relationships never got this far. I guess Blake’s not the only one new to this relationship thing. “But she hasn’t asked me to go, and I won’t pressure her.”
Rafael scoffs. “Why wait for her to ask? Take matters into your own hands, show initiative. Chicks love that, right?”
“Alexis is not achick,” Blake says, and there is a territorial kind of protectiveness in his voice that leaves me weak in the knees. “And there are things about her that are on a need-to-know basis. I promised her she would be the one who sets the pace, and I will honor that promise. But shit if I’m not dreading being apart from her for two weeks.”
I’m not sure what I thought he was going to say about me, but this I did not see coming. Blake wants to come home with me for Christmas. Home, where we have nothing to prove to anyone. Where we can just be.
My dad is a sports guy, so he and Blake would get along fine. Mom is probably knitting him a scarf as we speak, expecting me to bring it back for him. They can be intense and overbearing, but they are good, loving people, so far off from what Blake has told me about his mother and the father who ghosted both of them. If he came with me, would it be overwhelming? Or would it be healing for him in a way I could never truly understand?
Footsteps echo off the top of the stairs and I know my cover is about to be blown to bits, so I fake a yawn and a stretch as I stumble into the kitchen with a half-heartedmorning, boys.
Blake perks up the moment I step into sight, though he says nothing as I scavenge the kitchen for some plain toast and an apple. Even with my back turned towards the table I can feel their eyes trained on me, the tension in the air like a weighted blanket, as if they know I heard everything they said.
They very well could—I’m not exactly light on my feet.
I’ve just closed the refrigerator door when Eric and Levi slump against the island like they’re experiencing a hangover from hell. There might not be a game this weekend, but Levi is usually very strict about hisno drinking during the game seasonrule. Something must be off if he’s making an exception.
“They sent out an email about changing the date activity for today,” Blake says as I slide into his lap to munch on my toast. For a house with this many people, there is a serious lack of seats available. I'm not complaining, though, and from what I can feel beneath me, neither is Blake. “Apparently the ice on the pond is now thick enough to be safe, so they want to go ice-skating. As if this whole thing wasn’t cliché enough.”
His arm curls around my stomach for no other reason but to touch me and I lean back into his warm chest, savoring the feeling of having him close. I can feel Levi’s glare like a burn on my skin, but I force myself to ignore it. “Look at it this way: I can’t skate to save my life, so you’ll have an excuse to touch me whenever you want.”
“Is that a promise, Alexis?” Blake winks.
