“NO! No, don’t even think that, Blake.” Alexis leans forward to give me a reassuring kiss. “It’s just…Levi and Alissa set us up, but ever since things started to change between us…I don’t know, things are kind of weird right now.”
I pause, staring at the roll in my hands. I hadn’t even considered what effect me loving her for real would have on her relationship with them. Perhaps I should have gotten ahead of this thing before it could hurt her. “I’m sorry. I know how much your family means to you.”
“You mean just as much,” she says softly, and something in her voice makes me meet her gaze. “You’re mine, right?”
I nod, breathing out the last of my nerves as I look into her steadfast gaze. “Yours, always forever.”
Chapter 24
Alexis
The cold Decemberwind howls against our window, and I’m a little obsessed with it.
I’m finally caught up on schoolwork and decorating for Christmas, and with the change in weather bringing me a soreness like no other, I feel no guilt when I drop down on the couch with a book I’ve been itching to read and a hot cup of cherry tea. A new electric kettle mysteriously showed up on the counter after I broke the old one, with no one fessing up to it. Blake is currently my biggest suspect, though his poker face is immaculate.
Between classes and the contest and little detours with Blake, I’m exhausted. I have never left my dorm as much as I have these past few months, and I hadn’t realized how badly I needed a quiet afternoon all to myself until now.
That does not mean I don’t miss him, though. I do. Quite a lot. If he were here, his arms wrapped around my waist, his voice smooth as velvet whispering sweet nothings in my ear…this day would be perfect. The kind of moment you would find in a snow globe, to be preserved and cherished forever.
A high-pitched scream erupts from Alissa’s room and within seconds she is leaping for the couch, her phone clutched in her hand.
“Lex! Lex look!” Alissa shoves her phone in my face, almost hitting me in the nose. I take it from her hand to avoid further injury.
The brightness is set to what feels like the surface of the sun, but it’s hard to miss what she’s excited about. It’s an article detailing a paid internship with a teaching program in Scotland, with all travel expenses paid. The deadline to apply is tonight—I know, because Blake sent me the article last week.
“I saw that. Looks pretty cool.”
“Youhaveto apply. It’s Scotland! Rolling hills, sheep, wind-swept cliffs. It’s so romantic,” Alissa sighs dreamily. “Besides, remember how obsessed you used to be withReign? You’d be able to visit the castle!”
I do remember that phase. Mostly because I never grew out of it. I tried to watch it with Blake when we were in Vermont, but I made the mistake of letting him point out everything historically inaccurate as part of the bargain. Turns out the only accurate thing about that show is that she was Queen of Scotland. “It’s also very cold and rainy, and thus terrible for my pain levels. Not to mention it’s an entire ocean away from you guys and Blake.”
“It’s just a few months, Lex, and Levi will be gone with the NHL by then anyway. As for the other jock—how, exactly, does Blake factor into this?”
I shoot her a look. “You know how he factors in.”
“No, I don’t. I know he’s admitted he loves you, finally. I know that these past few years he’s asked about you more times than I have patience for. But I haven’t heard a peep from you about any of it.” Her blond curls shift as she angles her head, the pink tips already fading. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen the hearteyes and stolen glances. I noticed you’re smiling again, more often and easily than you have in months. Clearly he’s affecting you in some way, even if you’re not sure how. And yet not a word.”
I pull my knees into my chest. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to talk to me like you used to,” Alissa says quietly. “We used to be best friends, Lex. And now it feels like we barely even talk anymore.”
That is true. I’ve barely been home, let alone by myself. And this isn’t the kind of thing you discuss over text or the phone; feelings are best discussed over tea while munching on freshly baked cookies. I’m not denying that I have neglected my twin and Levi, because I have. But not without reason.
After twenty-one years I finally have something to call mine. Something not related to my health or school or my siblings. Just…mine.
Sure, I might have gotten a bit carried away with this whole thing. But I refuse to feel bad for wanting to spend time with Blake, who has taken the time and patience to figure me out and learned to love me the way so very few people do. He is the warmth of spring after years of harsh winter, slowly coaxing me back to life.
“You’re right,” I admit. “I have been pulling away from you and Levi for a while now. Not because of you, but because I cannot figure out how to act around the two of you with Blake there.”
Alissa takes my hand with a squeeze, urging me on.
“You chose Blake because he was easy to convince, just hoping we would get along. But the truth is, I’ve been trying not to notice him for the past three years, since the first time he ever made me laugh. Because I knew that if I did, I would fall for him just as hard as I have.”
“You love him,” Alissa says, and I nod.
“A few weeks ago Levi told me that being with Blake was only going to hurt me, and though I tried to change his mind he’s refusing to let go of that belief. You, me, Levi—we’ve always been a single unit, and trying to balance that with what I have with Blake…it’s too much. I can’t figure it out.”
Alissa leans back, quiet for a long moment as she looks at me. “I love you, you know that right? But you have got to stop thinking so much, Alexis. Or you’ll never be happy.”
